A Christmas Blessing

Dear Readers, you know what kind of year this has been in the United States. It's been rife with emotional ups and downs, with health challenges, with fear, and with courage, with rebellion and obedience, and with social and political unrest.

My heart and spirit grow weary more easily now, especially as Christmas draws closer. So many plans and traditions have been canceled. There are no craft fairs this year, no Lutefisk dinner, no Christmas tea with the ladies at Sons of Norway, and no opportunity to attend the German Christmas Market or the St. Lucia Day celebration in Denver.

When I'm troubled, I tend to clean. Yesterday I rummaged through my nightstand, stacking papers in the shred or throw-away piles, and I found a book that I suspect is going to be a blessing during this December. A very dear friend of mine gave me a copy of When God Calls the Heart at Christmas by Brian Bird & Michelle Cox, a series of devotions from Hope Valley, based on the Hallmark television program When Calls the Heart.

I actually stopped watching this show maybe 2 or 3 years ago for various reasons, but my friend gifted me this little book in Christmas 2018 and I just never got around to reading it, the fate of many books, unfortunately. That is until my cleaning frenzy unearthed it from the depths of my nightstand.

When God Calls the Heart at Christmas has devotions for the 25 days of December leading up to and including Christmas. What are the chances that I would find this book on December 1st? That's what I like to call a Godthing. Instead of simply putting it aside because I don't watch the show anymore, I decided to sit down and spend time reading the devotion for December 1st.

There's nothing quite like being whacked over the head with profound truths that are relevant to how I'm feeling emotionally and to what the world is currently going through with Covid. It was called What is Your Unexpected Storm? and reminded me that that troubled times "can prove difficult, but they can also be blessings in disguise because they cause us to lean on God in ways we wouldn't otherwise." 

Even the prayer was pinpoint accurate, beginning with Dear Lord, I don't like disappointments and difficult circumstances - especially at Christmas. Even though my heart is heavy, remind me of why we celebrate this time each year, of the joy of your amazing gift of ultimate love and redemption for the world.

This little book is truly blessing my heart. I even dragged out my journal so that I could journal out my responses to the two questions asked in each daily devotion. 

I guess what I'm saying is that even though Christmas looks different this year, God is still faithful. And he still works in providential ways. Like my finding this book and the very first devotion being so timely. That's providence.

Maybe I'll even watch When Call the Heart again after being so deeply touched by this little devotional. Thanks, Brian and Michelle, so very much, for this Christmas blessing.

Merry Christmas,

Carissa

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How do you get ready for autumn?

Cinderella's Pumpkin Farm sign and Cinderella doll

My favorite season is upon us! The weather turns chilly (at least it does in Colorado), the leaves change color, and I can pull my long-sleeved shirts and sweaters out of storage! We even had snow the other day, the earliest snowfall in recorded Colorado history. Such a crazy year of nuttiness!

Do you have any fun things you do in the autumn?

This year we hosted an afternoon tea for a friend's daughter's high school graduation.

Her life this year has been tough, so that was fun to support her in this way. We hosted it last weekend and apart from the Congrats, GRAD! sign and little curlycue things hanging from the ceiling, it was all fall-themed. My sister and I wandered into Party City last Friday where we found the graduation stuff, but we also found an awesome flannel-backed vinyl tablecloth in fall leaves that fits our table perfectly. I love that it's vinyl because it means easy cleanup for spills. We used it for the tea and it was perfect.

I had a difficult Sunday a few weeks ago so I went for a long drive out into eastern Colorado, just to get away from the city and get some fresh air and fresh perspective. When I came back, my sister had changed out the art wall and even put up quite a bit of our fall decor. It was such a blessing to me.

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Learn to Argue

I had an epiphany while watching one of my Japanese dramas, Proposal Daisakusen. 

In life, it's absolutely paramount that you learn to disagree with others and even argue. That you can feel there is a safe space in which to do that and that it won't put the relationship at risk.

I'd never given it that much thought before, but the idea struck me between the eyes today because it's so true.

I have a friend, one that I want to continue getting to know, and our relationship has always allowed for arguing and disagreeing. He's blunt but empathetic and I think that combination allows me to be blunt in return. The first argument I had with him, I was absolutely sure he would hold a grudge. That I would be less in his estimation, if that makes sense. Because I dared to disagree with him or think I knew better than him. But that didn't happen. The argument did not strain our relationship in the slightest. In fact, knowing that I can honestly tell him if something upsets me, has made me reach out to him more rather than less. And I think my disagreeing with him and speaking out actually made him respect me more, which was a first for me. Our friendship is solid enough for me to trust him with my frustrations and my disagreements. 

I really cherish him, actually. A fact he doesn't know and never will because he's also pretty darn clueless about why people like him, but that's one reason, I think, why people are drawn to him. Because he creates a safe place for others to be their best and their worst and he loves them anyway. I don't have to always agree with him. And he doesn't always have to agree with me. But we respect each other enough to back off after we disagree and we stop forcing the issue. We don't always have to see eye to eye and neither becomes less to the other.

Why did this happen while watching Proposal Daisakusen? Because the female lead is engaged to be married, but in the two years of their relationship, there's never been a single argument. He's too agreeable and she wants to present herself to him in a certain way, so she is also too agreeable. But that's not who she always is. When she's with the male lead, their friendship stretches back over 15 years of childhood, teen, and college experiences, and she can be herself with him, arguments, warts, unlovely moments and all. He sees the real her, she sees the real him. And of course, they love each other (it's a time-slip drama so he's trying to win her over by going back to the past to fix mistakes he made). The female lead and male lead have a healthier relationship because they know how to argue with one another and still be friends.

I hope I continue to learn from my friend. After 6 years where acquaintance developed into friendship, I only now am able to realize just why I need him in my life and will do anything I can to keep him there.

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Do Your Best! (Ganbatte)

I worked at my local public library for 8 years, and during the last two years of my time there, I lead a teen anime club. It was an experience, let me just say. There were parts of it that I LOVED and parts of it that just made me supremely sad. Because it's hard to be in a leadership position of teenagers, or anyone really, as a Christian, and find that part of your group has a tendency towards the more deadly sub-culture of a fandom. Especially when it was in a secular working environment where I couldn't really nay-say too much, but at the same time, needed to keep as firm a hand as possible so things didn't get out of control.

Fast-forward to now. It's been a little over 6 years since I changed jobs and companies. I gave up my love of Japan when I moved to my new role. Partially because of that sub-culture thing that I mentioned, and partially because I didn't really think that my new job would be as accepting of my interest in Japanese culture and entertainment. Which is sad, because it means that I lost more than 6 years of my life to not loving something anymore that I actually still do love. 

A favorite JDrama Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge (2010) starring Kamenashi Kazuya (far left)

For a lot of people, Japanese entertainment probably seems foreign (well, duh), but there are elements to it that have always really spoken to me and inspired me as an individual and it comes down to one specific phrase or word Ganbatte. Literally translated, this means "Do your best." That's the heart of Japanese culture as I see it, to do your best, to try your hardest, no matter what situation you might find yourself in, to not give up, because it's selfish and foolish to give up instead of pushing through. 

When I worked at the public library I weighed about 30 pounds less than I do currently. My weight has always fluctuated depending on my mental headspace and how courageous I feel about being able to tackle it and bring it into submission. It's a challenging and terrifying concept. But I did the best with my weight when I was watching Japanese live-action dramas. You see, I stopped my love of Japanese entertainment when I left the library because of my experience with the Anime Club and its exhausting effect on my spiritual and mental wellbeing. Unfortunately, this also included giving up my Japanese live-action dramas and their music which were never a part of the Anime Club. I viewed it as an all or nothing scenario when that's just not so. I find it funny now to look back and realize that my weight loss, because I was losing weight at that time, was a result of my love for these live-action dramas. They inspired me to do my best, to fight for my health, to not give up even when the road got hard. My diet was healthier, I took up running and strengthening exercises, and was overall a stronger person.

By walking away from the Jdramas, I lost something very inspirational in my life and my motivation to better myself, both physically and mentally.

This week I've reconnected. I've re-watched two of my favorite Jdrama series and I feel like a different person than I was at the start of the week. If some of my favorite characters can push themselves through inner doubts and fears and trials to become the best version of themselves they can be, if they can do their absolute best and emerge triumphantly, then so can I. 

Another favorite JDrama One Pound Gospel (2008) also starring Kamenashi Kazuya

During the first 3 weeks of the stay at home/safer at home part of the COVID-19 pandemic, I managed to gain 7 pounds. Then in the last 3 weeks, I managed to lose them again. My sister and I are eating almost no sugar, no snacks during the day, and starting this last week, I've added a daily strengthening (EXHAUSTING!) exercise routine into every day because I started up my Jdramas again and the inspiration is still there, to be the best me that I can be, for my sake and for the sake of my family. After 3 weeks of a much healthier eating lifestyle, I can tell that it's made a huge impact on my life. I feel better emotionally and physically, and now throwing the exercise in, I'm starting to see positive results. And I can trace the inspiration to my favorite Jdramas and their message of Do your best!

I'm not saying that everyone should start watching Jdramas in the hope of losing weight and developing discipline. That's my thing and it would be ridiculous to imagine it's a one-size-fits-all solution.

But there is likely something in your life that encourages you and inspires you to become better than what you are currently. It may be something you've lost or merely misplaced for a season. It may be something you've forgotten about completely. Or it may be you've never even thought about it and really need to start evaluating your interests on a more serious, intentional level! But if there is something that inspires you to grow in strength and discipline, then pursue it. Chase it. Stop listening to the inner voice of doubt that likes to nitpick and criticize. You can do it. Ganbatte! ❤

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Inspiration

Artwork by AuburnWolf91 on Deviant Art

I've loved Tolkien since I was fourteen years old and The Lord of the Rings since I was seventeen years old. The movie trilogy transformed my life in magnificent ways when all my sister and I could think of was the fear spawned by 9/11, the reality that suddenly our country wasn't as safe as we'd always assumed. This quote is as much for you as it is for me; a reminder that, in the words of Mr. Samwise Gamgee, "Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer." 

This time is hard. It's fraught with difficulties and loss, but that new day will come. Let this truth bring comfort to you if you need comfort today. God is faithful and his mercies are made new every morning. Bless you, all. ❤

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Ruminating over Titanic

On April 10th, 1912, the "unsinkable" masterpiece Titanic set sail from Southampton in England on its maiden voyage, heading to New York City where it was supposed to dock on April 17th. Titanic stopped in Cherbourgh, France later on the 10th and Queenstown, Ireland on the 11th for additional passengers before making its way out to the open seas of the Atlantic, carrying 2,222 souls on board, counting passengers and crew.

Human nature wants to give a reason for this tragedy. There are more than enough theories running around the table as to why Titanic sank. The walls separating the bulkheads weren't sealed all the way to the top. That's weird. And unthinkable. Would Titanic have still sunk if the walls had gone all the way to the top? Maybe, maybe not. If we go that route then it's the fault of the ship's architect, Thomas Andrews, who nobly and tragically died on Titanic. Or it could be because there were no binoculars in the crow's nest for the lookouts so when the iceberg loomed out of the mist, the lookouts were only able to give First Officer Murdoch a 37-second warning to avoid the collision. But binoculars aren't common for lookouts because they actually inhibit their viewing range, so they can't really be considered at fault either. And no one can turn a ship the size of Titanic with only 37-seconds of warning. Then there are the 7 icebergs spotted on the 14th, but Captain Smith barreled on at full speed because the managing director of the White Star Line, Bruce Ismay, wanted to make the crossing in just 6 days.

Fault, as it were, could lie with any number of individuals, but honestly, Titanic sank because these things happen. Life happens, whether we want it to or not, and in the case of Titanic, the blame cannot be fully placed anywhere. A lot of little things added up to one massive tragedy that still fascinates the world today. It's remarkable to me that after all these years of knowing about the tragedy, that I haven't become jaded by it yet. I can watch a documentary on the sinking and tears still fill my eyes over the sheer loss of life that resulted from this tragedy. 

Over the next couple of days, I plan to watch the following films and maybe a few documentaries on Titanic: A Night to Remember (1958), Titanic (1953), and, of course, James Cameron's Titanic (1997). I've watched all of these films before, Cameron's film multiple times, but I think my favorite is A Night to Remember because it feels authentic to me since the sinking was still very much in living memory in the 1950s. It may seem morbid to spend time on such a tragedy right now while going through the COVID-19 pandemic, but I actually find comfort in tragedies that are different from what we're currently experiencing around the world. Despite all the tragedy, the world spins on. It will have a different look when we're on the other side of the pandemic and we may have different priorities than what we had previously. Many of us will have experienced loss by the end. Actually, maybe it makes this the perfect time to delve into the history of the Titanic.

My Posts Related to Titanic in 2020

Movie Review: Titanic (1953)

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Living Life in the Slow Lane

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." - Psalm 90:12

You'll notice some changes to this blog. I've been praying for months for God to give me a specific theme, a purpose for this goal that goes beyond film and books. I love both of those things, and I'll still share about them sometimes, but I also feel the Lord wants me to share my observations about life from my perspective. The perspective of a homeschooled young woman in her thirties who has deliberately chosen to live a slow life and not get caught in the race to achieve. I hope you'll stick with me during this transition over to something that will bring me fulfillment and I hope will encourage others to slow down, take a deep breath, and just look at the glories of God that surround us every single day. I'm going to start sharing my heart on this blog because that's what God is asking of me.

I like my life. It's good that I can actually say that with conviction and sincerity. It doesn't mean I never have periods of melancholy because I haven't reached certain heights of expectation that I've set for myself. But those are always the moments when God is able to reach me with some new truth about myself.

Do you ever fool yourself into thinking you want something, but you actually want something entirely different?

Take the concept of employment. Women have been "liberated," whatever that is even supposed to mean, and so we're able to hold down jobs and be "independent," again another word I'm not entirely sure has a viable meaning. I'm not discounting women who work. I work full time and enjoy it. I love my coworkers and I love knowing that I'm making a difference because my fingers process money and set up accounts for the Lord. That money goes to release children from poverty in Jesus' name because I work at Compassion International. That's an incredible mission and one I stand behind wholeheartedly.

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A Plethora of Christmas Ornaments!

All right, so I promised at least a few people to post photos of my tree, so here you have it!

I don't use garland anymore, but strings of gold beads.

You'll probably see them up-close in the next photos.

Meet Jack Frost! He's the newest edition to my ornament collection, a gift from my sweet sister because I love Rise of the Guardians so much. She even gave him to me early this year!

I'm sure it seems odd having Titanic on my tree, but it holds a purpose. One, as a reminder of the great and beautiful tragedy, and two, as a reminder of the lovely day I spent with Caitlin, Charity, and others at the Molly Brown House in Denver. We were in costume and it was magical.

Bilbo Baggins on the left, in honor of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug which hits theaters December 13th! And on the right, we have the Nutcracker Prince in human form. 

On the left is my favorite ballerina ornament, one that showed up in my stocking at least twelve years ago. And on the right is an antique postcard from the early 1900s. A gentleman was selling them at craft fairs last year. He framed them and everything, and it was just so beautiful I couldn't resist.

Caitlin found the ornament on the left sometime this year for me, and I found the pear at a lovely little antique store when I went for tea with friends.

Last but not least, the Hershey's Kiss a friend of mine gave me 17 years ago, when I still lived in Oregon. I was only about 11-years-old and I've treasured it ever since.

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Happy December 1st, My Darlings!

All right, so the way this works, I'm going to post something every day up until Christmas. Something that I find inspirational about the holiday season. Who knows, maybe I'll even snatch a photo of my sweet kitty being all cute and lovey-dovey under the Christmas tree.

But for the moment, we'll start off with Elvis singing "If Every Day Was Like Christmas."

Why this song? Because he's right. If every day was just like Christmas, what a wonderful world this would be.

So here, you have it, in honor of the King of Rock & Roll and the King of Kings, Elvis Presley singing "If Every Day Was Like Christmas."

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Batman Weeps for Colorado

I'm sure everyone has heard by this point but here's the lowdown in case you haven't. At approximately 12:30am today a gunman opened fire on a theater in Aurora, Colorado filled with The Dark Knight Rises fans, killing over a dozen and injuring over 50. The final toll for victims is 71.

This tragedy seems fitting somehow with the pain and suffering Colorado has experienced over the last few months. It doesn't even feel quite real to me yet. All I knew was that when I first heard of the shooting (without knowing where in Colorado it happened) my immediate thought was for a friend of mine who was attending a midnight showing with his buddies but he was in Colorado Springs. There will be plainsclothes police officers in every showing of The Dark Knight Rises in Colorado this weekend to dissuade any copycats. This might be something they do across the country, I don't know.

What do you say when something like this happens? When does this ever happen?

Caitlin and I had planned on seeing The Dark Knight Rises this weekend. But now. Now I'm not so sure I want to go sit in a darkened theater where someone could easily come through the emergency exit and start killing people.

My heart grieves. It grieves for the victims, it grieves for the witnesses, and it also grieves for the people who spent a good 3 years of their lives making this movie in the hopes it would bring enjoyment and entertainment to millions. Now all people will remember is "The Batman Massacre" as its been named. And massacre would be right. This is the largest shooting in history. Movie theaters aren't that big. You can kill and maim a lot of people in a short amount of time.

What has happened to this nation? Right now Batman weeps for us.

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