Learn to Argue

I had an epiphany while watching one of my Japanese dramas, Proposal Daisakusen. 

In life, it's absolutely paramount that you learn to disagree with others and even argue. That you can feel there is a safe space in which to do that and that it won't put the relationship at risk.

I'd never given it that much thought before, but the idea struck me between the eyes today because it's so true.

I have a friend, one that I want to continue getting to know, and our relationship has always allowed for arguing and disagreeing. He's blunt but empathetic and I think that combination allows me to be blunt in return. The first argument I had with him, I was absolutely sure he would hold a grudge. That I would be less in his estimation, if that makes sense. Because I dared to disagree with him or think I knew better than him. But that didn't happen. The argument did not strain our relationship in the slightest. In fact, knowing that I can honestly tell him if something upsets me, has made me reach out to him more rather than less. And I think my disagreeing with him and speaking out actually made him respect me more, which was a first for me. Our friendship is solid enough for me to trust him with my frustrations and my disagreements. 

I really cherish him, actually. A fact he doesn't know and never will because he's also pretty darn clueless about why people like him, but that's one reason, I think, why people are drawn to him. Because he creates a safe place for others to be their best and their worst and he loves them anyway. I don't have to always agree with him. And he doesn't always have to agree with me. But we respect each other enough to back off after we disagree and we stop forcing the issue. We don't always have to see eye to eye and neither becomes less to the other.

Why did this happen while watching Proposal Daisakusen? Because the female lead is engaged to be married, but in the two years of their relationship, there's never been a single argument. He's too agreeable and she wants to present herself to him in a certain way, so she is also too agreeable. But that's not who she always is. When she's with the male lead, their friendship stretches back over 15 years of childhood, teen, and college experiences, and she can be herself with him, arguments, warts, unlovely moments and all. He sees the real her, she sees the real him. And of course, they love each other (it's a time-slip drama so he's trying to win her over by going back to the past to fix mistakes he made). The female lead and male lead have a healthier relationship because they know how to argue with one another and still be friends.

I hope I continue to learn from my friend. After 6 years where acquaintance developed into friendship, I only now am able to realize just why I need him in my life and will do anything I can to keep him there.