Attributes of the Wind

The wind is a very deceitful characteristic of nature. A day, much like today, can look sunny and warm outside. From behind the curved windows of the library, I could assume that the temperature is well up into the 50s or even 60s. It's such a beautiful day. But, when I went outside for lunch, I discovered that seemingly beautiful day was actually 30 degrees or lower. It wasn't what it seemed and made me grateful that my mom, who had come up to join me for lunch, was sweet enough to grab my coat from the car so I wouldn't freeze. That appearance of a warm and beautiful day deceived me and became a cold day. In so many ways, humans exemplify this very characteristic, being something other than what they seem. It's called the hidden nature of sin.

People intrigue me too, just like the wind that lowers the temperature in the winter. Working in a library I encounter a lot of windy people. You can never judge how someone will behave just by their outward appearance. Someone might look like a wonderful and sweet person, but they could be having a really rotten day and before you know it, you've become another victim of that bad day. Or, and more likely, a person has interests you would never expect. It's funny how those little hobbies or private sins can be so well concealed. That is, until I shelve someone's holds and find myself blown away that anyone would ever read that book, let alone the adorable young teenager in a Mickey Mouse t-shirt and distressed jeans. Does her family know? She probably thinks no one ever notices or even cares that she's reading something that raises eyebrows.

I've been in that exact some situation before. I've got those same bad habits that would shock some people. They look at my smile and blue eyes and never imagine the temptations I struggle with beneath the surface. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love anime and manga. You could even call me obsessed. That said, there is a little something known as Shonen Ai, which means a mild perceived attraction between boys. It's not ever to the point of romance, but just questionably close attachments. If it arose in a show I watched myself sometimes, well, was that wrong?

Turns out that, YEAH, there was something seriously wrong! My last anime club meeting brought up some ugly truths. Our lone male attendee was absent and that absence gave certain of my female members a bit of freedom to discuss their alternative manga and anime loves. One of those loves is Yaoi, meaning full-bore boy x boy relationships that had me literally quavering in my boots in discomfort. Firstly because it made my other girls uncomfortable and secondly, because Yaoi is only about two steps farther down the road than Shonen Ai which even I occasionally watched. Yikes!

These are seemingly normal and healthy young women, yet their fascination with Yaoi and Shonen Ai had them pairing boys together in their fantasies and even in their cosplay outfits where they all dressed as boys. It was like I had gotten walloped over the head with a truly blunt object, probably the holiness of God. Why? Because my ignorant watching of Shonen Ai was not nearly as innocent as I had originally perceived. These girls are sweet and charming, yet this secret sin of the heart is slowly corrupting them. It looks like it's a balmy 60 degrees in their hearts but it's actually a frigid 30 degrees! Their minds are now totally twisted with thoughts of romance between boys so they have no real interest in any guys of their own, just guys together. How is that healthy?

Needless to say I've chopped any and all Shonen Ai from my anime and manga. Series have been sent back completely unwatched and books have had their holds canceled before I could be even tempted to read them. Why? Because we are called to keep our minds holy. It doesn't matter than Shonen Ai is so very mild. What does matter is that the prick of conscience can become dulled by this mild attraction and that might lead down the road to worse things! The Lord has cleansed His children of sin but that doesn't mean we'll never be tempted again. But Christ still promises us that we will never be tempted beyond what we can bear, which literally means I will survive without the small amount of Shonen Ai I had allowed in my life.

Can you see the connection between the hidden effects of the chilling wind and the hidden effects of sin in our lives? Both shock us at first with that initial impact. But as we grow accustomed to the cold wind it numbs us and the impact lessens until we hardly feel it. Usually this comes right before unconsciousness and then death. Sin is exactly the same way. It lowers our standards and we find ourselves compromising in our thrill-seeking journey. That private sin grows and grows until all we want to do is indulge that sin! Fortunately for us, the Lord sends little wake-up calls like the one I experienced.

I might love my anime and manga, but this experience made me realize how careful I must be. This genre is just like any other genre. Some stuff is appropriate for Christians and some stuff isn't and we need to be discerning what to put in our minds. I don't want to become accustomed to the cold wind that occasionally sweeps through my life. I want to be sensitive to it and realize that it's there to prick my conscience and send me in the opposite direction. I thank God that sin NEVER attacks us without a prick of conscience!

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Christmas Lights

I get these fun little itches around the holidays that just have to be scratched. So, on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, I decided it was time to hang those Christmas lights on the house. All while my parents were at work and only my sister was there to hold the ladder and hopefully keep me from tumbling to my death. Well, that's too dramatic since I actually spent most of the time up on the roof, leaning over the edge. It took only about 2 1/2 hours to get everything hung, and that's not even everything, but everything that requires me being on the roof. Whatever's left can wait for another day. But you know the really fun thing is that all of these lights on the roof are colored lights!

Why?

Because I can't get enough of colored Christmas lights! Oh sure, I know, the white drippy icicles on all the eaves in town are pretty and pure like snow. Maybe that's my problem! They're just too. . .white. It makes me think that I'm walking through a land of tinsel or something. Or maybe it's just the simple fact that those colored lights bring to mind Bing Crosby, Miracle on 34th Street, and the lights my grandmother had on her tree.

There's nothing wrong with white lights. For some people they will induce beautiful memories. For me, it's those humongous colored bulbs that make me think of a runway for Santa. You see, the last couple of years we haven't hung those lights on the house and it felt like something was missing. It probably sounds silly, but when I turn the corner to my house at night, and those lights have been switched on by a loved one, that's when it really feels like Christmas. It's the coming home that makes Christmas a celebration, the love we hold for one another, and the love Christ extended to us that first moment when He was born in a manger. Let's just say those gaudy Christmas bulbs strung on the outside of my house are the first step towards immense amounts of Christmas cheer! Plus, I didn't break my neck! *grins*

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Brideshead Revisited

Anthony Andrews & Jeremy Irons in Brideshead Revisited

Have you ever noticed how authors will name their characters something significantly similar to their personality? Dickens was notorious for his use of names. So too it seems was Evelyn Waugh. I'm about 3/4 of the way through Brideshead Revisited (a remarkable feat considering I started it less than a week ago). He couldn't have chosen a better surname for Sebastian than Flyte. He spends nearly the entire book either running away from his troubles (real or imagined) and/or drowning his sorrows in drink.

A more flighty young man I've never met. And yet he doesn't frustrate me for some reason. Rather, I pity him. He has such pathetic misconceptions about life and his place in the world. Sebastian's devoutly Catholic roots seem to haunt him. He learns to despise people once they meet his parents. Take Charles, for instance. For years those two were almost literally joined at the hip. It is possible that their relationship was far less than healthy (in fact, that's most likely the case), and yet the two needed each other, Sebastian most of all. But once he introduced Charles to his family (not really his idea), their relationship faltered. All Sebastian's mother needed to do was draw Charles into the intimate workings of the family and Sebastian started distancing himself from his friend.

Why would Sebastian feel that Charles was tainted somehow by liking his family? I just can't quite grasp his reasoning. Charles is the same man that he was when they first met, even after having encountered the dreaded family members. Why should anything change? I suppose it really had nothing to do with the family and everything to do with Charles' approaching maturity. It's one thing for young men to meet at the age of 19 and behave ridiculously together. It's another thing for one of them to reach the age of 21 and start thinking seriously about life and its goals while the other still prefers deep bouts of drinking ad partying. I do believe Sebastian felt that Charles left him behind.

It's sad really, when friendships start as childhood chums but can't develop into adult relationships too. Charles' fondness and adoration for Sebastian is unsurpassed. Even after their relationship shatters. But Sebastian becomes such a pitiable creature that you can no longer love him, only weep for the life that is being drunk away. Sebastian is one of those charming characters that draw you towards them. There's something magnetic in their personality. You can't help liking them. Poor chap. I just know this book must end in his death. There's no other alternative since he sees no use in changing his lifestyle.

I've only the 3rd section to go and then I'm on to the miniseries with Anthony Andrews and Jeremy Irons. I know, I know, there's a newer version, but I'd rather see two of my favorite actors in these pitiable roles than ones I'm unfamiliar with. It will make me sympathize with them more.

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Manga in My Life

{Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge icon by sailorprinzess @ Livejournal}

Well, Tokyopop is closing its doors to North America. I normally wouldn't care about a manga publishing company but since I've started reading manga, this actually hits me pretty hard. The very first manga I purchased is published by Tokyopop. Just thinking about not getting Shinobi Life updates is depressing! Oh well, it looks like scanlations will be my life for now. Unless another company picks it up, which is entirely possible. I'll be praying. Either that or I could learn to read Japanese. Yeah, right, not! Learning to read Japanese could take my entire life. Speaking it however, that I'm considering.

You know how sometimes an interest or hobby seems completely out of character? Well, that's how manga is for me. None of my friends read manga, almost none of them watch anime, and certainly none of them watch Japanese live action dramas. Yet from the moment I picked up that first volume of Shinobi Life I was completely hooked. Why? I keep asking myself that question. It really doesn't make any sense. I don't speak Japanese. I don't understand the language except for the most minimal terms like "thank you" and "please." So why would I be drawn to such a completely foreign entertainment experience?

I guess I needed a change. These mangas take my mind to a completely different world. It's so totally unique from what I know! I love reading the little habits and polite behaviors the mangas so accurately represent. Most of the main male Japanese characters have the most amazing little ticks and reactions. They move differently, speak differently, and even love girls differently than American men. Most of the mangas I like express a pure love between the main female and male characters. Yoh and Haruna in High School Debut learn to love each other through trial and error. Neither one of them is experienced in love. It's beautiful and funny and awesome to watch them grow together.

Maybe, just maybe, these shoujo mangas and Japanese tv dramas have reignited my hope that true love exists. I watch Kyohei in Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge learn to love, learn what love actually is, and it warms my heart. It makes me think "Wait a minute, maybe this is possible." I admit to becoming, not embittered exactly, but definitely disillusioned with the idea of romantic love. Especially over the last couple of years. Manga has reinstilled that belief in me, that true love can and does exist. It may not find me for years or ever, but that's okay. Just so long as I know it's out there somewhere.

That's why I read manga.

It gives me hope.

It makes me laugh.

It makes me cry.

It reminds me to live.

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Reading Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire for the First Time

"Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing." - The Santa Clause

What if you were kidnapped, tortured, witnessed the death of a friend, and finally, when you managed just barely to escape, you told someone who was responsible for the atrocities you'd endured, and you weren't believed? Your word is being questioned, either because the individual believes you are too young to know what you're saying, or because they've deluded themselves into believing their own personal truth. It could be a mixture of both. What would you do?

I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the first time. I've loved all the other books, but the end of GoF just left me writhing in frustration. A frustration I know will worsen when I start Order of the Phoenix later this afternoon. Harry isn't believed by the Minister of Magic. He fought for his life with Voldemort and only just escaped. He feels helpless and weak, in terrible pain, fighting back memories of Cedric's death and what does Fudge do? He accuses him of having hallucinations and not being trustworthy because he's parseltongue. Can you imagine the rage Harry must have felt? I've never undergone moments when my word hasn't been believed. I've never been looked straight in the eye by someone and know they don't believe a word I'm saying.

When Christ was placed on trial, when people proclaimed his death sentence, he underwent the same experience as Harry, all because people refused to believe the truth. Why would lies be more prone to believe than truth? Why would people, especially people in authority, prefer to believe lies instead of deal with the truth and solve the problem? We've been doing this for centuries. When Hitler rose to power, the West turned a blind eye to him, refusing to believe him capable of the whispered atrocities. Even the neighbors of the Jews dragged from their homes ignored the niggling fear in their minds and believed instead they were merely being deported. By not finding out the truth, these people, these so-called innocents, were just as guilty as the murderers.

So were we, so was England, so was anyone and everyone who knew, deep down, that Hitler was a monster and yet chose to do nothing. Fudge is one of these bureaucrats I despise so much. He chose to live in his perfect little world, uninterrupted by fear and truth. But does his preferred ignorance actually stop the danger from evolving? Of course not! And we have Harry, poor, desperate, terrified Harry who tries so hard to make people understand when they're just not capable of understanding. I admire Dumbledore. Far more than I thought possible. He never doubts Harry's word, never doubts what Harry saw and experienced. He's on the opposite end of the spectrum from Cornelius Fudge. Just because we fear something doesn't mean we should not accept its existence.

Fear needs to be faced, it needs to be acknowledged and understood, and it needs to be fought. We only destroy ourselves by pretending evil doesn't exist. We make the end result far worse by not fighting back. We live in a world of evil. It may not seem as blatantly obvious as Voldemort, but it exists just the same. And we won't be believed when we speak out against evil, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't speak out anyway. A few seeds of truth will fall on fertile ground. When we let fear keep us silent, that is when we are truly lost. Harry will never reach that point in his life, and I pray that neither will I.

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Thoughts on Masterpiece Mystery's Sherlock

"Watson, come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same." - Sherlock Holmes, no matter the era or actor

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Sherlock Holmes. A friend introduced me to him about 8 years ago and my life hasn't been the same since. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it's difficult loving a character that most people think was either gay (shame on them!) or (as in recent films) completely infatuated with Irene Adler. *tsk, tsk* Not that I dislike Robert Downey Jr. as Holmes (in fact I find him highly amusing and entertaining), but a part of my heart winces every time I imagine him and Irene together. Some things should never have come to pass. So naturally when I heard that a new series was being made, one in which Sherlock Holmes would be thrust into the heart of modern London, I doomed it to failure. Nothing and no one could possibly make such a ludicrous idea into a success, I ranted! Well, it seems I was wrong.

I loved the new Sherlock Holmes movie, you know. And that surprised me. I had no idea there would be two surprises in the same year and that I would come to love the new Masterpiece Mystery! series entitled Sherlock as much as that crazy new movie! Or, dare I say it, even more. Because as much as Robert Downey Jr. entertains me, he's not quite the right appearance for Holmes, in my own mind. Not that I could see Benedict Cumberbatch (yes, it's all right to snicker) boxing 5 rounds with some of the bruisers RDJ took on, but I can definitely picture him fencing the pants off a villain at some point (not literally). Benedict is Holmes. He was Holmes for me within 1/2 an hour and that, my friends, takes some doing. Especially since I never fully accepted RDJ as Holmes, even though I love the film. You might be asking, how does Holmes fit into modern society? Very well, thank you. He's socially awkward, the same as Victorian Holmes, or in Sherlock's words, "I'm a high-functioning sociopath." Can you argue with that type of logic? Nope. Holmes is the same no matter what era he's zapped into.

The writing, I confess, can be good or bad, defining whether the Holmes will be a success or not. But with this brilliant new series, I see Holmes, just as I've always seen him. Rude and obnoxious and undeniably brilliant, with a hint of attraction thrown in just to gain a lady's interest (such as myself). Most women are drawn to Holmes because he has no interest and it makes us curious. I just know that Benedict will make Sherlock a success. Does this mean I'll stop loving Jeremy Brett? In what universe! I love many different versions of Holmes, including Frank Langella's stage production where, saints preserve us, he too fell in love with Irene Adler (read my thoughts on the stage play). What is the power that mysterious woman holds over Holmes? But anyway, all that aside, I'm glad I've given Sherlock the chance to impress me.

That first episode was a humdinger and waiting an entire week for the next installment will be torturous. But wait I will because I am going to show PBS that one more household can love a modern Holmes. Not that my parents are complaining: Mom loves him and Dad chortled at Holmes' smart witticisms. It's awesome knowing I won't be watching alone!

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Twilight or Moonlight: The Battle of the Vampires

Can anyone tell me what makes Twilight so darn popular? Because I'm rather clueless. The characters feel one-dimensional and riddled with teenage angst to me. But there has to be something there that draws people. Or people wouldn't read the books or watch the movies.

What is it about Edward that has millions of women salivating? Why? He's permanently 17. He's got more emotional issues than Angel. Well, all right, maybe he doesn't have that many issues. But still, Edward runs a close second. I guess I just see him as the product of a writer whose original intent was something along the lines of fanfiction. Edward really isn't a vampire. He doesn't have vamp teeth, staking him only splinters the wood, and he sparkles instead of burns in the sun. How do any of these things make him a vamp?

I've read Twilight.

And the first time I read it, I found it entertaining. About a year later I wanted to read New Moon so decided to refresh my memory by reading Twilight again. Huge mistake on my part. I don't know if my perception of vampires changed or simply my perception of heroes altered in that year, but what a difference. I've heard all of the arguments for Twilight and I've heard all the arguments against it. I can't make decisions for other people about this series. But I can speak my mind.

Edward is a devoted lover who refuses to sleep with Bella before their marriage. Every girl wants a guy like that; someone who'll respect her. But doesn't Edward's watching Bella sleep concern anyone? Doesn't his inability to stay away from her disturb you? Because it sure disturbs me. I mean, I remember Angel and Buffy's passionate love affair. Those two were completely gaga for each other. But Angel left. And he stayed gone. Because he knew that he wasn't right for Buffy and that it just wouldn't work. Turning her wasn't an option and there was no other way for him to be with her. Is it really just the simple fact that Edward feels like the perfect boyfriend and so many women don't have that perfect boyfriend? Because if that's the only reason why Edward is such a hit with women twice his age then there really needs to be some reevaluating going on in their lives. Seriously, ladies. Men aren't perfect. My gosh, just look around you. But expecting them to be Edward is expecting the sun to rise at night and the moon in the morning. It's not gonna happen.

I think this is what disturbs me the most about Twilight. This particular series of books has made women unhappy with their lives. I've read rants from girls who literally fell into a panic attack when a friend hated the series. There are incredible lists of married women who now look with dissatisfaction at their spouse. Twilight consumes their very existence! Everything is wrapped up in those books. I've even heard women talk about being afraid to read anything else because they don't want to like any other series as much as or even more than Twilight. That thought terrifies me! If I stayed locked in one fandom for the rest of my life, I would be ready for the sanitarium in a matter of years.

This doesn't even begin to cover Bella's unhealthy self-esteem issues. Does Edward help with her self-esteem? No. What about college, a career, making something of her life, accomplishing something important? Bella doesn't want any of that. When Edward left her in New Moon, which was the right decision if he could have stuck with it, Bella was a mess. She did nothing but sit and mope and brood for months. Then when she finally started snapping out of it, it was only to commit dangerous acts that gave her a chance to catch a quick glimpse of Edward through a vision. Does that strike anyone as healthy behavior? Relationships end, sometimes for the better. But we can't just give in to the pain and agony of loss by not living our lives. I pray to God I never make the same decision as Bella. I never want to stop finding and loving new experiences. I never want to just let my soul die because one relationship didn't work out.

How is it that two characters, Edward and Mick St. John, can be so similar and yet so completely different? Edward expresses distinct stalker-like qualities. He can't stay away from Bella, his every waking thought is consumed by Bella. Mick saved Beth's life when she was a child. He was always near to make sure she was safe, but he never, not once interfered with her life. It was accidental that Beth met him at all. His intention was never to fall in love with her. His intention was only to make sure she was protected. Mick let Beth make all the moves in their relationship. He never pushed for anything, never anticipated anything. He just waited, grateful for the chance to be a part of her life.

And Beth? She's a successful young woman! She pulls down a great salary, has a dream job, pays her own bills. She's made something of herself and she's confident in her success. Mick doesn't take her away from any of her accomplishments. He doesn't make her feel pathetic and lacking in self-esteem. He makes her feel safe, but not coddled, loved, but not smothered. Mick would rather cut off his right arm than make Beth feel as if she needed to change her goals to suit him. I only wish that Edward was the same. Bella's only goal in life, her single ultimate purpose, is to marry Edward. There needs to be more. So very much more.

I admit it, Twilight worries me. I've seen the effect it has on women of all ages. I don't want to read a book series that makes me unhappy with my life. Who of a sane mind would? For people who can read the books and enjoy them but have other interests, I say bravo! It's the women who've made Twilight their religion and Edward their God that have me running for the hills. If I'm gonna pick a vampire to love, Mick tops that list every time.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have an episode of Moonlight to watch.

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