Friday, March 25, 2016

Why is an ISFJ mad at me?

What ISFJ buttons have you been pushing, either deliberately or accidentally? What inviolable tradition or belief did you trample into the dirt? How did you disrespect something they hold very near and dear? Did you challenge their authority in front of others? Did you ignore, overlook, or mock an idea they had? Did you criticize in a way that could be construed as cruel or harsh? Were you mean-spirited about a friend or a loved one? Trust me, in my case, you do NOT want to denounce my sister. Just don't.

ISFJs are very compassionate people. We have a great deal of love to give those around us, but if we're mad at you, it means you affronted us in some way. And we will act out, usually by avoiding contact with you because we're not entirely sure what to say or how to say it so we don't end up hurting you, even though we're well and truly steamed.

If you think something is wrong with the relationship, pursue answers. Prepare yourself for emotional turmoil during the conversation and potentially some tears depending on what happened. If you did something that was beyond your control, I guarantee you that your ISFJ will understand if you explain it to them.

As an example of a "beyond your control" scenario, a friend of mine was able to attend a Sherlock Holmes exhibit and she went without me. I was hurt, annoyed, and avoided her for a few weeks. Then we talked it out and I learned she had been given a ticket as a Christmas gift to attend with another friend of hers! I felt absolutely mortified that I'd so misjudged her and the situation and apologized for my behavior. It didn't even matter anymore that I didn't have a chance to attend the exhibit because I suddenly had context for the scenario.

The above is a great example of how ISFJs make emotional, feeler driven mistakes and then have to apologize. Fortunately, we're very open to acknowledging when we've misjudged someone.

However, if you wronged your ISFJ deliberately, well, I don't know what to tell you. They're mad for a reason and that reason is justified. You may have to just apologize and make amends however you can, but there will likely be trust issues for a long while until you've proven yourself trustworthy again.

I hope this was helpful to anyone wanting insight into the ISFJ psyche. ❤


  1. Helps if the other person bothers to explain the details ISFJs need and like in order to give them a full picture -- otherwise, said misunderstandings are common. :P

    1. We do love our details, that's for sure. Give me context! ;)

  2. Bravo! I may share the link for this with a few people.


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