Why is an ISFJ mad at me?

What ISFJ buttons have you been pushing, either deliberately or accidentally? What inviolable tradition or belief did you trample into the dirt? How did you disrespect something they hold very near and dear? Did you challenge their authority in front of others? Did you ignore, overlook, or mock an idea they had? Did you criticize in a way that could be construed as cruel or harsh? Were you mean-spirited about a friend or a loved one? Trust me, in my case, you do NOT want to denounce my sister. Just don't.

ISFJs are very compassionate people. We have a great deal of love to give those around us, but if we're mad at you, it means you affronted us in some way. And we will act out, usually by avoiding contact with you because we're not entirely sure what to say or how to say it so we don't end up hurting you, even though we're well and truly steamed.

If you think something is wrong with the relationship, pursue answers. Prepare yourself for emotional turmoil during the conversation and potentially some tears depending on what happened. If you did something that was beyond your control, I guarantee you that your ISFJ will understand if you explain it to them.

As an example of a "beyond your control" scenario, a friend of mine was able to attend a Sherlock Holmes exhibit and she went without me. I was hurt, annoyed, and avoided her for a few weeks. Then we talked it out and I learned she had been given a ticket as a Christmas gift to attend with another friend of hers! I felt absolutely mortified that I'd so misjudged her and the situation and apologized for my behavior. It didn't even matter anymore that I didn't have a chance to attend the exhibit because I suddenly had context for the scenario.

The above is a great example of how ISFJs make emotional, feeler driven mistakes and then have to apologize. Fortunately, we're very open to acknowledging when we've misjudged someone.

However, if you wronged your ISFJ deliberately, well, I don't know what to tell you. They're mad for a reason and that reason is justified. You may have to just apologize and make amends however you can, but there will likely be trust issues for a long while until you've proven yourself trustworthy again.

I hope this was helpful to anyone wanting insight into the ISFJ psyche. ❤

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Deconstructing an ENTJ

One of the problems with personality typing is that we try and put people into boxes.

But you can't say than an ISFJ will do "this" particular thing every single time because that's what ISFJs do. Why? Because an ISFJ's actions are based off tradition and past experiences. Any tradition. Any past experience. My past experiences are different from every other ISFJ's experiences out there. Our brain patterns may work in similar ways, but my values do not have to be another ISFJ's values. It's the same with any personality type.

Take my newish friend, an ENTJ. I'll call him D to protect his identity just in case he ever finds the time and the motivation to read my blog. Up until meeting D my experience with ENTJs was limited to television and film where they are always the masterminds who usually take over the world irregardless of body count. They're scary. They're single-minded. And they don't give a damn about humanity. But D is not Raymond Reddington from The Blacklist, and I can honestly say, THANK GOODNESS! Because as much as I love Red, he's scary as hell and I would never want to personally make his acquaintance.

If there's one thing I've learned during my developing friendship with D, it's that he does not fit a weird stereotypical mold of how ENTJs should behave. He's not some crazed power-hungry lunatic out to take over the world. Don't get me wrong, he is driven. Almost insatiable in his need for success, so much so that he works 3 jobs in order to buy the camera equipment he needs to be the best professional photographer he can be. If that means he gets 3 hours of sleep a night, so be it.

Did you hear that? That's me screaming in the background.

Yes, his desperation to succeed drives me crazy because it's like I'm watching him kill himself. And I HATE that. If there is one thing I, as an ISFJ, cannot stand it's watching a friend overwork themselves to the brink of destruction and poor health. D has stomach ulcers for goodness' sake, and he's not yet THIRTY.

Ahem, now that I've ranted (and he already knows how I feel about his crammed schedule so he won't be surprised if he reads this), we can move on.

So, yes he has the undeniable drive of an ENTJ.

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How do I recognize someone as being an ISFJ?

I know I've said it before, but I'm going to go over the cognitive functions of an ISFJ yet again.

The ISFJ is comprised of 4 cognitive functions in this order:

Si (internal sensing)
Fe (external feeling)
Ti (internal thinking)
Ne (external intuiting)

What you all want to know is what do these words mean and how do I recognize them in the people around me, correct?

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How to Know if an ISFJ Cares

I'm getting hits with ISFJ questions! This is so absolutely exciting!

Q: How can I tell if an ISFJ genuinely cares?

A: The ISFJ isn't like other personality types. Our top two functions are Si and Fe, meaning traditional memory/sentimentality and compassion for the emotions of others. We have a very high rate of compassion, with the only personality types higher being the ESFJ and ENFJ.

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Things to Know about an ISFJ

This is essentially a manual on what not to do to an ISFJ unless you are a heartless, well . . . you know what.

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Being an ISFJ - Part Two

Yes, Samwise Gamgee is an ISFJ

 I know that someone must be reading these ISFJ posts because they're getting hits, so I hope they're useful to you. :) If you have any questions, just post a comment. Or if you've got something you wish I would cover, let me know.

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Being an ISFJ - Part One

Most of you, my readers, found me through my writings on Femista, the webzine of my best friend. This undoubtedly means that you also follow her blog and have occasionally heard Charity speak of us sharing the relationship of Holmes and Watson on Sherlock. She's an INTJ and I'm an ISFJ. You know how she reacts in multiple scenario possibilities because she posts about being an INTJ. Well, she asked me if I would consider writing a couple of posts on being an ISFJ in my summer months off from school. So, now that you've had my long-winded explanation of why I'm doing this, on to trying to explain how and why I function as I do.

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