Monday, January 23, 2012
Worry need not apply. . .
Do you ever feel like you're beating your head against a desk? Frustration is just building over so many things? Does running screaming from the room sound like a viable plan? Well, here's where we should talk. As human beings, we have a propensity to blow certain things out of proportion. To think more of a situation than it fully deserves and therefore pile stress upon unnecessary stress onto our already full plates. Believe me. I know. This is my life about 6 months out of the year, if we plan for 2 weeks every month. I'm a worrier. I worry about what people think of me. I worry about whether I'm doing my job right. I worry about school, about home, about work, about play. And to top that off, sometimes I worry about things where a simple word to someone higher up in the workplace would solve the entire problem!
Take a recent situation at work, not regarding coworkers, but regarding a teen club where I'm the moderator (I work in a library). I was letting myself get all worked up over a situation where I felt completely out of my depth. This bled over into discussions with friends where I probably not only made them worry but talking about it in depth didn't really do much to help me. I felt there was no way out of the situation, imagined the worst that the club would need to be closed, that I was a failure in that type of leadership role (who can ever really lead teens), etc. Needless to say, I sank into my own little pity party and dragged my friends in after me.
Turns out all of my worry, all of my fretting, was really pointless. I brought up the situation to our teen specialist, she talked to my (essentially) second-in-command in the club, who agreed it was a problem. And since this girl is a teen and these are her friends, she brought up the topic to them and told them to cool it. It didn't have to come from me, the mean adult moderator who wants to stifle their fun. Having it come from someone their own age who disapproved of the behavior was enough to shut it down. It was like 2 entirely different groups of kids from one meeting to the next. My head literally spun and I didn't even have to open my mouth, which I was fully prepared to do if the need arose.
My stress, my worrying, my mulling over multiple scenarios, all lead to a big fat NOTHING. Which I take to mean that God had the situation in control from the very beginning and only wanted me to trust Him with it. Which, I'm ashamed to say, I didn't do. Thanks for the wake-up call, Lord. Now if only I could put my trust in you before the fact instead of seeing the necessity in hindsight. Ah, the glories of humanity! Sometimes it really sucks being human.
What I'm really trying to say is that all my worrying was completely unnecessary. I know, it's so temping to think we have to handle everything alone, on our own shoulders, like a "grown-up" (whatever that is). When really, all God wants to do is take that worrisome burden from us. But He won't do it if we don't ask Him. God isn't pushy that way. He waits for us to make that first move because He loves us and if never trust him with our worries and concerns, then He can never help us. A scary proposition, eh?
I know that I will always struggle with worry. It's bred into me, compliments of my dearly departed grandmother who I did love with all my heart. That said, this situation made me realize just how much I worry and how I can work myself into a frenetic frothy mess of anxiety over something that turns out to be trivial and easily solvable. I don't want that for the rest of my life! So right now all I can say is, thanks Lord, for your goodness and mercy in this issue and for opening my eyes to how much I let stress get to me. Teach me to give it to You. One day at a time.
Luckily, tonight all I have to do is relax and read Jane Eyre. Mr. Rochester is on the scene now so my reading should be voracious. Stress and worry need not apply.