Musings of an Introvert

A post of Birthday thoughts

2012-01-26T16:22:00.000-08:00

While I'm not sure how I'd handle a husband with furry feet, I do know that I wouldn't mind one small in stature, who wore cravats, and I could probably even learn to love pipe weed. Oh well, while I know Bilbo Baggins is not amongst my birthday gifts today, I have a feeling the 1st season of Sherlock will be and that's almost as good. ;)

One of the questions that always brings unwanted pressure at my birthdays is "What are you doing to celebrate?" It depends on your point of view as to whether I'm celebrating in style or not. A lot of women need a big party and a group of friends for their birthday to be a success. I've had those parties in the past and they are always fun, but it's not a requirement for me to have a happy birthday. This time, as I welcome my 28th year, I'm simply staying home with my family. And you know what? For me, right now, at this time in my life, staying home with them is FUN! I love it!

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Worry need not apply. . .

2012-01-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like you're beating your head against a desk? Frustration is just building over so many things? Does running screaming from the room sound like a viable plan? Well, here's where we should talk. As human beings, we have a propensity to blow certain things out of proportion. To think more of a situation than it fully deserves and therefore pile stress upon unnecessary stress onto our already full plates. Believe me. I know. This is my life about 6 months out of the year, if we plan for 2 weeks every month. I'm a worrier. I worry about what people think of me. I worry about whether I'm doing my job right. I worry about school, about home, about work, about play. And to top that off, sometimes I worry about things where a simple word to someone higher up in the workplace would solve the entire problem!

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Tears for Sherlock

2012-01-16T02:54:00.000-08:00

I'm hiding this entire post just in case someone has no idea about the canon of Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty. While Sherlock deviates, it still follows the basic thread of their encounter and the results thereof. I'd hate for anyone to read spoilers they weren't planning on. So, if you already know the traditional encounter with Holmes and Moriarty, keep reading without fear of any real spoilers. If you don't, it might be safer to wait until you can watch the 2nd season of Sherlock in May so you're surprised. (or you can track it down online like I did)
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Femnista: November/December Issue

2012-01-14T22:04:00.000-08:00

Click to launch the full edition in a new window
Online Publishing from YUDU

Most of my readers find me through Charity's Place anyway, but just in case someone wanders through who's never been there, this is a fun webzine run by the admin for Charity's Place. I write for it regularly and this particular issue is just chock full of goodies in the shape of our favorite sleuths.

My article contains the delectable Aidan Gillen in his sadly short-lived role in Identity, which I thought was just brilliant. As usual, all of the writing by these talented young women is brilliant, and you simply must not skip the delectable articles on both Murder Rooms, written by the admin herself, and one on the genius of the BBC series, Sherlock, both of which, as it happens, pay homage to the greatness that was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Hmm, could I be a fan?

The next issue is due out on February 1st and I will then post a link to share. Enjoy!

Allow me to introduce. . . my Mr. Rochester

2012-01-03T12:58:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing England is good at, it's releasing a million versions of classics like Wuthering Heights, Pride & Prejudice, and Jane Eyre. That's not necessarily bad, however. I'm not necessarily picky about which film adaptation I watch of something. Although occasionally I do have a favorite. All of my friends know that I'm crazy about the 1940 version of Pride & Prejudice with Laurence Olivier, and I know full well that I'm the only one who loves it like this, which is fine. I still enjoy all the other versions, too. That's why they make so many, to please everyone!

More goodies below!

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Sherlock vs. Sherlock Holmes

2012-01-02T19:37:00.000-08:00

Per the usual, Sherlock Holmes the movie left me speechless. It takes me about 2-3 days to figure out whether I even like these Holmes films or not. All it took, apparently, was watching the first episode of the new season of Sherlock to help me decide. I'd rather have a quirky Holmes with a brilliant Moriarty than a brilliant Sherlock and a naked Irene Adler. I won't give away too many details on A Scandal in Belgravia other than to say that it did not live up to my expectations. The first season was incredible, with exciting concepts and blazing originality. It left me salivating for more. The new season's debut only left me uncomfortable and grateful that it wasn't airing yet and that I could forewarn my parents against watching the first episode.

I'd rather have them in theaters watching Sherlock Holmes in disguise wearing a bonnet and lipstick than seeing a carefully filmed naked woman parade in front of Sherlock and make not only Watson but the audience uncomfortable.

No major spoilers within, just my brief mention of disappointments and personal warnings.

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Musings of an Introvert

2011-12-30T10:26:00.000-08:00

As we welcome the new year, I've realized just how much has happened over the past year that I hadn't planned on. I was promoted at work to a completely different branch library and a totally different position. Lots of new and fun learning experiences there, plus lots of new responsibilities. I started classes at a new university, this one a Christian university out east (online) that I really, really love. I hadn't realized just how much I yearned to be in a Christian learning environment until I was actually in one.

Most of all, I realized that I'm actually an introvert. What's more, that introverted side of me is becoming stronger now that I realize it's actually there. There's a board game night at a local church on New Year's Eve. Caitlin's planning to go with a young coworker of hers, also named Kaitlyn. I'm invited too but I have absolutely no inclination to go. Which has me wondering if my being this introverted is actually a bad thing. I've always been shy at social events with people I don't know. It's hard on me emotionally and my conversation skills fly right out the window.

Yet, despite my thoughts that this is actually a bad thing, I'm not unhappy in my introvertedness.

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a little Charles Dickens love

2011-12-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

So, it seems that I have a Femnista article due on Little Dorrit in a few weeks. I believe January 17th, to be precise. Now comes the issue of what to write! I'm a verbose person who, if you give me a novel to write about, I could probably write an article as long as the book. Well, maybe not Little Dorrit, but some books. I'm wavering between writing about the tragedy of Mr. Dorrit's life or the gentle faith of Amy Dorrit. I could even do something on the nature of Mr. Clennam because I do have some intriguing notions about him. Sometimes the weakness of heroes is that they are too kind and therefore are either trod upon or they are too indulgent of weaknesses in others. Mr. Jarndyce of Bleak House anyone?

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Top Ten Christmas Movies

2011-12-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

#10

The Christmas Card

I wavered a bit on this 10th choice. It was between The Christmas Card and The Santa Clause, but I decided to go with the more obscure because it is a beautiful and romantic story that should be acknowledged. When officer Cody Cullen arrives at the town where he received a Christmas card, he finds the coldness that had begun to seep into his heart start to melt. When he meets the lovely Faith Spellman, is welcomed into the home of her parents, finds himself working as a carpenter at her father's mill, everything reminds him that his life does go on and that, even though he's lost good friends in the war, there is still reason to hope. I've never seen such a typical idea done so originally and with such a genuine desire to get it right. The acting is exquisite, the setting is magical, and every year I find myself awed by the warmth shown to this lonely soldier who need to find rest. It's beautiful and if you haven't seen The Christmas Card, I urge you to do so, either now before Christmas, or even after the new year.
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An "Ugly Sweater" tribute to Michael Bublé

2011-12-19T11:05:00.000-08:00

Look what I found at Gordman's today!

For the uninformed, Michael Bublé is crazy about "ugly" Christmas sweaters, even though ugly is a relative term. But seriously, now. Who would have thought there would be a coffee brand name called "Ugly Sweater!" This is proof positive that you just never know what you might find!

So, Michael, if you stumble on this post (unlikely) in about 6 months or so this bag of coffee might make its way to you. Providing your agent is kind enough to forward it to you.

And the award goes to. . .

2011-12-14T16:03:00.000-08:00

Upon the return of his family after a 10 day vacation, Garth awarded me this. How he knew they would be visiting Hollywood, I'm not sure, but I love the sentiment. It'll fit right in next to my James Dean doll and Michael Buble picture frame. :)

When life gives you lemons . . .

2011-12-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

There are just some things you can never predict. Take today, for example. I woke up this morning only to find that one of the tires on my car had sprung a slow leak. This also happens to be the day where it's a bit of a challenge getting everyone to work with just three cars and four family members. My only option was to head to Pep Boys where, thankfully, my Dad had already called ahead to let them know I was coming. Mom is going to pick up my sister and take her to work on her lunch hour and the lovely folk at Pep Boys let me drive my car to work and then they drove it back to get the tired fixed or replaced.

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Christmas Books - A Redbird Christmas

2011-12-12T16:01:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a break from watching Silence of the Lambs on my Clearplayer. My heartrate was starting to pound a little and I'm all on my own in the house if you don't count the cat. Creeeeeeepy. I'll never look at Stottlemeyer the same in Monk again, that's for sure. *shudders*

Anyone have a clue why my Inkheart post gets hits every week? It's always #1 on my popular posts and I have no idea why. I guess whoever it is is a kindred spirit. :)

A Redbird Christmas by Fannie Flagg

This is one of those books that I would have never picked up if not for it being recommended to me by my library volunteer. Thanks, Margaret!

Turns out the story is rather predictable, but in a good way.

The book follows the life of an elderly man whose doctor demands that he get away from the city and stop drinking if he wants to see another Christmas. So the doctor recommends this little sleepy town by a river in Alabama that has barely 100 inhabitants. Oswald Campbell packs up his life (it fits in one suitcase) and heads out for what he expects to be one last adventure. Raised in an orphanage and named after Campbell soup, Oswald has no earthly ties. Even his marriage fell apart years ago so he literally has nothing to lose.

Yet, there's something about this little town that attracts him. He meets Roy, the man who owns the general store and keeps a redbird (or Cardinal) as a pet. He encounters a little handicapped child named Patsy who was abandoned by her father and taken in by one of the local women. He tries his hardest to avoid romantic entanglements with the widows of the town who've taken a shine to him even though he looks like a "little elf." He learns that life might just be worth living again and the best part is watching his heart soften.

I'm more romantic around Christmas and usually drag out all of my inspirational romances that involve the holidays. While the plot is a little slow around the middle of the book, I just couldn't put it down. Not hard since it's only about 200 pages long. This book is one I wouldn't have chosen for myself but the lack of sexual content and language, plus the gentle and loving natures of the characters, appealed to me. It's cute, it's heartwarming if not original, and it's perfect to read at Christmastime!

Logic? On 21 Jumpstreet?

2011-12-10T22:28:00.000-08:00

Never read Ralph Waldo Emerson and then watch 21 Jumpstreet. After so many hours of struggling to make sense of Emerson's mayhem (an impossible feat, by the way), the logical part of my brain simply refuses to switch itself off. Hence, the birth of actually finding a purpose in Richard Grieco's role as Dennis Booker. Wow, I never thought that would happen.

I first started watching Jumpstreet about 5 years ago. I'm a Johnny Depp nut, what can I say. Plus, I'm hooked on 80s fashion, crazy thought it may be. When Richard Grieco joined the team, I couldn't stand him. Maybe it was those disgustingly dark eyelashes of his (it was eyelash envy). Or it might have been that I saw him as challenging Johnny's character Tom Hanson. Everyone knew Grieco joined the team so Johnny could avoid participating in certain episodes of which he didn't approve. Grieco was unwanted and disliked so I just went along with the fad, albeit about 20 years too late to have an impact.

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Nathaniel Hawthorne strikes again!

2011-12-02T21:07:00.000-08:00

I first encountered the estimable Nathaniel Hawthorne in high school. Back then I despised the man for his dim view of those claiming to be Christians. You could even say I angry at him because I was still very young and immature and couldn't imagine anyone having such a low and depressing opinion of Christians. Now I pity how muddled his mind must have been by expecting Christians to be shining examples of perfection only to be disappointed. Have you ever once met a Christian who was perfect? If you have I'd like to meet him/her because I certainly can't make the same claim.

Now, don't get me wrong, as a believer myself I'm not knocking my fellow Christians. What I am saying is that I see the sin in my own life and so I can see the sin in the lives of others. I'm very aware of the temptations with which I struggle and it sometimes feels like I'm in a constant battle with myself. I look at every other person who is sanctified by the blood of Jesus as someone who also struggles, just the same as I do. This will be a life-long battle with sin. Our problems and temptations don't just vanish when we accept Christ. Christ never promised we would never be tempted, only that we wouldn't be tempted beyond what we can bear. There's a huge difference between the two. Christ gives us the strength to turn away from temptation just as He is there with loving arms to catch us when we fall.

In the realm of Nathaniel Hawthorne, he pens the stories of depressed and melancholy individuals who lose their faith, either in Christians themselves, or in God's ultimate power to save the lost through Christ's sacrifice. In The Minister's Black Veil, I noticed how the idea of the black veil as a representation of sin had warped both the man and those around him. While it is true that God worked throughout the minister's life and that many, many people found themselves convicted of sin, what good did the black veil do him, personally? It was as if he made a personal statement to himself that he would not allow God to purify him, wash him clean of sin, until he had actually died. As if, through his suffering, the lost could be saved.

There is a book by Francine Rivers called The Last Sin Eater that follows this same hypothesis, where only by the solitude and sacrifice of the sin eater, who took all the sins of the townspeople upon himself, could they be saved. He suffered so that they might find truth. But doesn't that defeat the purpose of Christ dying for humanity on the cross? "I am the way, and the truth, and the life, no man comes to the Father, but by Me" is what Christ said in John 14:6. He doesn't need an interim or a go-between for the message to be spoken. He certainly doesn't desire for a godly minister to veil himself as a symbol of the lurking sins inside each man's heart.

I distinctly recall reading Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter in high school and disliking the man's propensity for wanting the Christian to be either wholly good or wholly evil. In reality the Christian, just like any other person, is a mixture of both. The veil might have served its purpose in urging people out of fear to turn away from sin, but I don't see how living that life of intense loneliness separated from God's love did the minister any good. Once we're saved, we're saved, washed clean. There is no need for a physical veil because Christ offered us the veil of His blood on the cross.

All this was to say that as much as I respect Hawthorne's obvious talent as a writer, I cannot agree with his dim view of Christians. We might have the occasional hidden blemish deep in our hearts but I'm firmly convinced that God roots out evil wherever He might find it. Usually, for those who know Him, He provides a pretty solid wake-up call. And it doesn't come in the shape of a terrifyingly shrouded minister.

Attributes of the Wind

2011-11-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

The wind is a very deceitful characteristic of nature. A day, much like today, can look sunny and warm outside. From behind the curved windows of the library, I could assume that the temperature is well up into the 50s or even 60s. It's such a beautiful day. But, when I went outside for lunch, I discovered that seemingly beautiful day was actually 30 degrees or lower. It wasn't what it seemed and made me grateful that my mom, who had come up to join me for lunch, was sweet enough to grab my coat from the car so I wouldn't freeze. That appearance of a warm and beautiful day deceived me and became a cold day. In so many ways, humans exemplify this very characteristic, being something other than what they seem. It's called the hidden nature of sin.

People intrigue me too, just like the wind that lowers the temperature in the winter. Working in a library I encounter a lot of windy people. You can never judge how someone will behave just by their outward appearance. Someone might look like a wonderful and sweet person, but they could be having a really rotten day and before you know it, you've become another victim of that bad day. Or, and more likely, a person has interests you would never expect. It's funny how those little hobbies or private sins can be so well concealed. That is, until I shelve someone's holds and find myself blown away that anyone would ever read that book, let alone the adorable young teenager in a Mickey Mouse t-shirt and distressed jeans. Does her family know? She probably thinks no one ever notices or even cares that she's reading something that raises eyebrows.

I've been in that exact some situation before. I've got those same bad habits that would shock some people. They look at my smile and blue eyes and never imagine the temptations I struggle with beneath the surface. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love anime and manga. You could even call me obsessed. That said, there is a little something known as Shonen Ai, which means a mild perceived attraction between boys. It's not ever to the point of romance, but just questionably close attachments. If it arose in a show I watched myself sometimes, well, was that wrong?

Turns out that, YEAH, there was something seriously wrong! My last anime club meeting brought up some ugly truths. Our lone male attendee was absent and that absence gave certain of my female members a bit of freedom to discuss their alternative manga and anime loves. One of those loves is Yaoi, meaning full-bore boy x boy relationships that had me literally quavering in my boots in discomfort. Firstly because it made my other girls uncomfortable and secondly, because Yaoi is only about two steps farther down the road than Shonen Ai which even I occasionally watched. Yikes!

These are seemingly normal and healthy young women, yet their fascination with Yaoi and Shonen Ai had them pairing boys together in their fantasies and even in their cosplay outfits where they all dressed as boys. It was like I had gotten walloped over the head with a truly blunt object, probably the holiness of God. Why? Because my ignorant watching of Shonen Ai was not nearly as innocent as I had originally perceived. These girls are sweet and charming, yet this secret sin of the heart is slowly corrupting them. It looks like it's a balmy 60 degrees in their hearts but it's actually a frigid 30 degrees! Their minds are now totally twisted with thoughts of romance between boys so they have no real interest in any guys of their own, just guys together. How is that healthy?

Needless to say I've chopped any and all Shonen Ai from my anime and manga. Series have been sent back completely unwatched and books have had their holds canceled before I could be even tempted to read them. Why? Because we are called to keep our minds holy. It doesn't matter than Shonen Ai is so very mild. What does matter is that the prick of conscience can become dulled by this mild attraction and that might lead down the road to worse things! The Lord has cleansed His children of sin but that doesn't mean we'll never be tempted again. But Christ still promises us that we will never be tempted beyond what we can bear, which literally means I will survive without the small amount of Shonen Ai I had allowed in my life.

Can you see the connection between the hidden effects of the chilling wind and the hidden effects of sin in our lives? Both shock us at first with that initial impact. But as we grow accustomed to the cold wind it numbs us and the impact lessens until we hardly feel it. Usually this comes right before unconsciousness and then death. Sin is exactly the same way. It lowers our standards and we find ourselves compromising in our thrill-seeking journey. That private sin grows and grows until all we want to do is indulge that sin! Fortunately for us, the Lord sends little wake-up calls like the one I experienced.

I might love my anime and manga, but this experience made me realize how careful I must be. This genre is just like any other genre. Some stuff is appropriate for Christians and some stuff isn't and we need to be discerning what to put in our minds. I don't want to become accustomed to the cold wind that occasionally sweeps through my life. I want to be sensitive to it and realize that it's there to prick my conscience and send me in the opposite direction. I thank God that sin NEVER attacks us without a prick of conscience!

Christmas Lights

2011-11-25T20:40:00.000-08:00

I get these fun little itches around the holidays that just have to be scratched. So, on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, I decided it was time to hang those Christmas lights on the house. All while my parents were at work and only my sister was there to hold the ladder and hopefully keep me from tumbling to my death. Well, that's too dramatic since I actually spent most of the time up on the roof, leaning over the edge. It took only about 2 1/2 hours to get everything hung, and that's not even everything, but everything that requires me being on the roof. Whatever's left can wait for another day. But you know the really fun thing is that all of these lights on the roof are colored lights!

Why?

Because I can't get enough of colored Christmas lights! Oh sure, I know, the white drippy icicles on all the eaves in town are pretty and pure like snow. Maybe that's my problem! They're just too. . .white. It makes me think that I'm walking through a land of tinsel or something. Or maybe it's just the simple fact that those colored lights bring to mind Bing Crosby, Miracle on 34th Street, and the lights my grandmother had on her tree.

There's nothing wrong with white lights. For some people they will induce beautiful memories. For me, it's those humongous colored bulbs that make me think of a runway for Santa. You see, the last couple of years we haven't hung those lights on the house and it felt like something was missing. It probably sounds silly, but when I turn the corner to my house at night, and those lights have been switched on by a loved one, that's when it really feels like Christmas. It's the coming home that makes Christmas a celebration, the love we hold for one another, and the love Christ extended to us that first moment when He was born in a manger. Let's just say those gaudy Christmas bulbs strung on the outside of my house are the first step towards immense amounts of Christmas cheer! Plus, I didn't break my neck! *grins*

If you read "Black Bird", then try...

2011-06-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

Her Majesty's Dog

A teenage girl is attacked by ghosts in a school after hours. To her surprise the only person who has a clue about why she's been targeted is the most bullied girl in the school. While the bullied girl is not unattractive, her classmates are disgusted by Amane's show of affection for her boyfriend/bodyguard Hyoue. As it turns out, Amane is no ordinary girl and Hyoue is no ordinary boyfriend. Hyoue-Kun is actually a demon bound to Amane by choice to protect her at all costs. When he transforms Hyoue becomes a massive and glowing dog, ready to do Amane's bidding whatever it might be. At this moment, Amane's command involves protected this human girl who, while she never bullied Amane herself, she never did anything to stop the bullying.

Where Black Bird is concerned, Her Majesty's Dog has far less content sexually, but more violence. Also there are moments when gender lines blur, particularly when Hyoue encounters a fellow demon from his past who could be either male or female. Even Hyoue was never sure. From the very first volume I fell madly in love with the characters. Despite Amane's infuriating propensity to ignore Hyoue's obvious love for her and her insistence on thinking of him as merely a pet. Thank goodness for a happy ending!

Alice in the Country of Hearts
In this crazy story Alice is literally kidnapped by Peter White a.k.a. The White Rabbit and taken to Wonderland against her will. Once there, Peter forces her to drink a potion (through a kiss) which will prevent her leaving Wonderland until the vial which contained the potion magically refills as she encounters different people and adventures. Alice finds herself repulsed by Peter White, who rhymes everything he says, strangely drawn to the malevolent Blood Dupre a.k.a. The Mad Hatter who is also a mob boss, and thoroughly confused by every individual she meets. The thing that terrifies her the most? One of the side effects of her living in Wonderland is that every male within those borders falls in love with her, from Peter White to Blood Dupre to Julian the clock maker.

Concerns about the translation from Japanese to English are valid for this series. Sometimes the dialogue is awkward and the story doesn't have a decent sense of continuity. Which you would think would work for an Alice in Wonderland tale, but it just adds to the confusion. However, the characters are engaging. I can see why Alice likes the Hatter against her will. There's something magnetic about him. Again, this story has less sexual content than Black Bird and more violence. However, it does stay in keeping with sexual innuendo because all the men, deadly or harmless, adore Alice. I guess we English-reading fans will never know the outcome except through scanlations unless a new publisher picks it up from Tokyopop.

Brideshead Revisited

2011-06-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

Anthony Andrews & Jeremy Irons in Brideshead Revisited

Have you ever noticed how authors will name their characters something significantly similar to their personality? Dickens was notorious for his use of names. So too it seems was Evelyn Waugh. I'm about 3/4 of the way through Brideshead Revisited (a remarkable feat considering I started it less than a week ago). He couldn't have chosen a better surname for Sebastian than Flyte. He spends nearly the entire book either running away from his troubles (real or imagined) and/or drowning his sorrows in drink.

A more flighty young man I've never met. And yet he doesn't frustrate me for some reason. Rather, I pity him. He has such pathetic misconceptions about life and his place in the world. Sebastian's devoutly Catholic roots seem to haunt him. He learns to despise people once they meet his parents. Take Charles, for instance. For years those two were almost literally joined at the hip. It is possible that their relationship was far less than healthy (in fact, that's most likely the case), and yet the two needed each other, Sebastian most of all. But once he introduced Charles to his family (not really his idea), their relationship faltered. All Sebastian's mother needed to do was draw Charles into the intimate workings of the family and Sebastian started distancing himself from his friend.

Why would Sebastian feel that Charles was tainted somehow by liking his family? I just can't quite grasp his reasoning. Charles is the same man that he was when they first met, even after having encountered the dreaded family members. Why should anything change? I suppose it really had nothing to do with the family and everything to do with Charles' approaching maturity. It's one thing for young men to meet at the age of 19 and behave ridiculously together. It's another thing for one of them to reach the age of 21 and start thinking seriously about life and its goals while the other still prefers deep bouts of drinking ad partying. I do believe Sebastian felt that Charles left him behind.

It's sad really, when friendships start as childhood chums but can't develop into adult relationships too. Charles' fondness and adoration for Sebastian is unsurpassed. Even after their relationship shatters. But Sebastian becomes such a pitiable creature that you can no longer love him, only weep for the life that is being drunk away. Sebastian is one of those charming characters that draw you towards them. There's something magnetic in their personality. You can't help liking them. Poor chap. I just know this book must end in his death. There's no other alternative since he sees no use in changing his lifestyle.

I've only the 3rd section to go and then I'm on to the miniseries with Anthony Andrews and Jeremy Irons. I know, I know, there's a newer version, but I'd rather see two of my favorite actors in these pitiable roles than ones I'm unfamiliar with. It will make me sympathize with them more.

JDrama - Flower Shop Without Roses

2011-06-04T13:59:00.000-07:00

Flower Shop Without Roses

My newest Jdrama is called Flower Shop Without Roses and the main character is a single father. Mom died in childbirth and he's had to raise his daughter alone. Which he does, gladly, because he adores her. But you can see the emptiness and loneliness in his eyes. That loneliness is made even worse when his 6-year-old daughter starts wearing a mask, both around the house, and at school. She says it's because she loves this particular puppet master that her mask is based off. The real issue is that she doesn't want to cause her father pain. This sweet child looks so much like her mother. And as dearly as Eiji loves his daughter, he can't easily hide the sadness he feels when he sees her mother's face looking at him out of Shizuku's eyes. She knows this and so she wears the mask to spare her father more pain.

How does it feel to be a single parent? Which is easier? To be a single mom or a single dad? What does it feel like to raise a child when your spouse is dead? I don't know the answer. All I know is that I see the struggle in Eiji's eyes. There are times when I almost feel like he could give up, if not for his daughter. When he looks at her, the world becomes a little brighter. Needless to say, Eiji finds the right words to help his daughter understand that as much as it might pain him to see how she resembles her mom, it hurts more to not see her face. I was so proud of him for finding just the right story for just the right moment to help her understand.

I'm almost afraid to finish the drama. I'm 4 episodes in and it's been about a week since I've watched the show. I just, I have this suspicion that his heart might get broken again. Let's just say that his wife's father is being a menace and meddling in other people's affairs. A new woman has entered Eiji's life, a blind lady who he genuinely likes, but she's not what she seems. Not all of these dramas end well and some tend to decline over the last two episodes. So I'm reticent to risk it, at least right away. Now watch, having posted about it I'll have to finish the show. All I know is that this isn't my typical Jdrama (yes, apparently, I have a "type" and that "type" is high school drama) but it's about as inspiring as The Wallflower, which made me cry more than I ever imagined. There were dozens of damp tissues over that show. So I shall persevere and not let the fear of a sad ending keep my from finishing Flower Shop Without Roses.

Japanese Drama - Producing Nobuta

2011-05-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

Akira-Kun

Wow! I'm so excited that it wasn't just a one-show-in-a-million interest in Japanese drama! I honestly wasn't sure if I would actually find another show I liked as much as The Wallflower. While Producing Nobuta isn't based off a manga, it still has immense heart and substance. Weirdly enough, though, my favorite character is not played by Kame. YamaPi plays the wacky and wild best friend, Akira, to Kame's character Shuji. He started off as a constant irritant. Akira always seemed to be high or something, but the more I watched the show, the more I think it's a defense mechanism he has. By just being goofy and never showing the serious side to his personality, he's able to protect himself. Akira's uses his craziness as an emotional shield.

One thing that is constantly impressing me is how the Japanese incorporate life lessons into their dramas. Sure, they're a little hokey sometimes and incredibly zany most of the time. But there are still moments that make the viewer pause and think that maybe, just maybe, the writers were onto something profound in the midst of their stumbling. Take Producing Nobuta. This girl, Nobuka (or Nobuta is her nickname by Shuji and Akira), has been bullied her entire life. She's vulnerable and actually gave up trying to fight back because it never did any good. She reached the point of not caring because she thought it didn't hurt anymore. But it always hurts. Doesn't it? To be bullied and mocked hurts!

I'm not entirely sure why, but Shuji and Akira decide to help produce Nobuka into society. To help her become popular. It's more Akira's idea than Shuji's because Akira is just one of those guys that likes to help people. Plus, it gives him an excuse to spend time with Shuji who he genuinely likes and wants to like him back. Akira is lonely because he refuses to change and everyone thinks he's weird. Shuji is lonely because he pretends to actually like people that he really can't stand. He doesn't even care that much about his girlfriend and only fawns over her when they're together. Yet for some reason these two guys who have almost nothing in common, band together to help Nobuka find herself.

There's only 3 episodes left for me to watch. But so far, I love watching Shuji start to realize that he needs to stop being a phony. Because he is a phony and unless he wants me to rip his lips off then he'd better quit it. Having Akira realize his feelings for Nobuka is awesome too because this is the first time he's actually felt romantic love. My annoyance with Akira is no more. He's matured too. And Nobuka? Well, she's slowly learning to move forward. She's realizing that she can't let circumstances bother her or prevent her from looking to the future.

There's no guarantee that Akira and Nobuka will have a happy ending. For all I know she'll choose Shuji (heaven forbid since they'd be a dreadful match) or she'll pick no one at all. But in the end, the romance doesn't really matter. It's watching Shuji's maturity lightbulb slowly start to flicker that counts. It's seeing Nobuka blossom like a flower. And it's cheering as Akira banishes his most childish behavior to the closet. It's like reading their journals in a way. Shuji actually puzzles over his decisions, wondering why he does this and not that. Why he stays silent when he should speak up. These kids are just like any other kids. They go through the same fears and paranoia as American kids. The language barrier isn't even a barrier. Their fears are the same as ours. The most important thing to remember in Producing Nobuta is that fear is there to be surmounted.

We'll see what I think by the end of the series.

The Ending of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"

2011-05-18T22:19:00.000-07:00

Lo & Jen

I don't really consider myself close-minded. I'm not really open-minded either. How does the saying go? Something about being so open-minded that you have no opinion? That's not me. I like examining other cultures and pondering their history and belief system. I usually do this through entertainment since I'm a whiz at remembering movies and television but struggle immensely with historical facts and dates. It's best for me to learn about a culture by observing it through their entertainment media. What can I say. The system works for me.

But I doubt anything could help me understand the ending to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The movie is beautiful. I'm not denying the filming is tasteful. But the end has me flummoxed. I'm used to films either having a definite happy ending or a definite sad ending. There is no real in-between for most of the movies I watch. Movies that end like Dear Frankie tend to make me go "eh" and move on to something else. But in this one, the ending is just too weird. I'll be pondering it for days. I get that the entire film takes place in a mythical reality set in China. The type of martial arts used is physically impossible since no one can actually walk on air or water. Not gonna happen. So, the movie is established as make-believe.

That's all well and good. But just because a movie is set in a mythical realm doesn't mean the audience wants an obscure ending. The secondary heroine, Jen, is a lovely girl with martial arts abilities and a desire to be something more than a wife. I understand that. Most women want to be accepted as being more than just the counterpart to a man. So, her fiance is not her choice. Instead, she prefers a bandit she met when he attacked her caravan on the way to meet her fiance. This would be Lo, or Dark Cloud, as he's called. But her family searches for her and her father's men move closer and closer to Lo's hiding place. So, he tells her a story as they stand together staring at a nearby mountain, about a man who made a wish and jumped off the mountain. But he didn't die because his faith was so great. He wasn't harmed at all, but landed unscathed and his wish came true. I think it had to do with saving someone's life.

We fast forward through a lot of emotional upheaval and angst including a couple of battles where Jen turns scary ninja on people and throws them through walls. Pretty awesome scenes. Unfortunately, a man she greatly respects is poisoned and he dies in the arms of the woman he loves. Jen knows an antidote for that poison but arrives too late. Instead of killing Jen (because Jen is partly responsible for the death), the woman sends Jen away to meet up with Lo and instructs to live her life in a way that pleases her. To not just give her life away to the desire of others, essentially. So, Jen finds Lo and they spend another night together. He wakes and she's gone, so he follows her and finds her on an overlook of the hideaway where they're staying. They're on a mountain. They talk a little and she asks him to make a wish and he says that he wishes they were back in the desert together. She looks at him and jumps off the edge of the mountain while Lo stands there with this expression that says he's lost her.

Jen plummets, or floats depending on your point of view, down the side of the mountain. And the movie ends.

Does this make sense to anyone? If we were to go according to the mythical realm theory, which works well so far, then shouldn't Jen's jump have an effect? Shouldn't she land unscathed because this girl has nothing if not faith? Her mentor would awaken from his death and perhaps even she and Lo could live together peacefully without anyone chasing them down. But no, the movie just ends, cutting to the name of the brilliant but frustrating director Ang Lee. Honestly, she should at least splat!

My mind must be less circular than I originally thought. I'm not much on philosophy and circular thinking. I like people going from point A and actually arriving at point B. Not squeaking right to the edge of point B and then falling into blackness. I was actually rooting for Jen and Lo. That girl has emotional hang-ups, yes, but she's best when she's with Lo. But nothing is decided, because the movie just ends with no conclusion! She could have survived and her mentor could have been brought back to life. It's possible and the audience just doesn't see it. But why? Why not show us that conclusion?

It's like watching that darn top spin at the end of Inception and never knowing if it actually falls or not! Oh, the frustration! I know I'll be watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon once a year for the rest of my life until I apply some logic to it.

Manga in My Life

2011-05-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

{Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge icon by sailorprinzess @ Livejournal}

Well, Tokyopop is closing its doors to North America. I normally wouldn't care about a manga publishing company but since I've started reading manga, this actually hits me pretty hard. The very first manga I purchased is published by Tokyopop. Just thinking about not getting Shinobi Life updates is depressing! Oh well, it looks like scanlations will be my life for now. Unless another company picks it up, which is entirely possible. I'll be praying. Either that or I could learn to read Japanese. Yeah, right, not! Learning to read Japanese could take my entire life. Speaking it however, that I'm considering.

You know how sometimes an interest or hobby seems completely out of character? Well, that's how manga is for me. None of my friends read manga, almost none of them watch anime, and certainly none of them watch Japanese live action dramas. Yet from the moment I picked up that first volume of Shinobi Life I was completely hooked. Why? I keep asking myself that question. It really doesn't make any sense. I don't speak Japanese. I don't understand the language except for the most minimal terms like "thank you" and "please." So why would I be drawn to such a completely foreign entertainment experience?

I guess I needed a change. These mangas take my mind to a completely different world. It's so totally unique from what I know! I love reading the little habits and polite behaviors the mangas so accurately represent. Most of the main male Japanese characters have the most amazing little ticks and reactions. They move differently, speak differently, and even love girls differently than American men. Most of the mangas I like express a pure love between the main female and male characters. Yoh and Haruna in High School Debut learn to love each other through trial and error. Neither one of them is experienced in love. It's beautiful and funny and awesome to watch them grow together.

Maybe, just maybe, these shoujo mangas and Japanese tv dramas have reignited my hope that true love exists. I watch Kyohei in Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge learn to love, learn what love actually is, and it warms my heart. It makes me think "Wait a minute, maybe this is possible." I admit to becoming, not embittered exactly, but definitely disillusioned with the idea of romantic love. Especially over the last couple of years. Manga has reinstilled that belief in me, that true love can and does exist. It may not find me for years or ever, but that's okay. Just so long as I know it's out there somewhere.

That's why I read manga.

It gives me hope.

It makes me laugh.

It makes me cry.

It reminds me to live.

January 1, 2011

2011-01-01T18:31:00.000-08:00

We welcome a new year, totally empty of smudges, well, maybe not since it's the end of the day. I don't know about you, but I've never been very impressed with New Year Day as a holiday. It just seems like an excuse to party hearty, drink yourself into oblivion, and shoot off illegal fireworks into your neighbor's back yard. In other words, "eh."

But the idea of a "New Year's Resolution" isn't so bad. Who doesn't want a fresh start at the start of a fresh new year? Except that those resolutions will probably be broken within a week, maybe a month, at the most, particularly if they revolve around diets and detoxes. So maybe we're making resolutions about the wrong things! Maybe, instead of focusing on the long-term we need to be focusing on smaller goals and desires that are more easily and quickly reached!

This year I'm trying something new. Instead of making a ton of resolutions for the entire year, I'll make some resolutions for the month. Let's say, 5 monthly goals and 1 resolution for the year. Here's how it works. I'll post 5 accomplishments of the past month and my 5 goals for the upcoming month. Here we go!

December 2010 Accomplishments

Choosing to play only 1 Facebook game and dropping all the others.
Learning the delightful art of Amigurumi crochet.
Getting financial aid in order to start my BA studies in January.
Writing timely thank-you notes for all of my received Christmas gifts.
Planning and executing a successful jewelry party.

January 2011 Goals

Studying for all of my classes (Milton included) in a timely manner!
Mastering the cable stitch so I can knit something other than a scarf.
Write at least 10,000 words in the story of my choice.
Make the floor of my room visible before bed every night!
Lastly, but not least, study the Bible at least 3 times a week.

2011 Yearly Resolution

Exercise daily, even if it's just some jumping-jacks or push-ups.

Truth in Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire

2010-10-30T11:52:00.000-07:00

"Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing." - The Santa Clause
(Icon by melodic_icons on Livejournal)

What if you were kidnapped, tortured, witnessed the death of a friend, and finally, when you managed just barely to escape, you told someone who was responsible for the atrocities you'd endured, and you weren't believed? Your word is being questioned, either because the individual believes you are too young to know what you're saying, or because they've deluded themselves into believing their own personal truth. It could be a mixture of both. What would you do?

I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the first time. I've loved all the other books, but the end of GoF just left me writhing in frustration. A frustration I know will worsen when I start Order of the Phoenix later this afternoon. Harry isn't believed by the Minister of Magic. He fought for his life with Voldemort and only just escaped. He feels helpless and weak, in terrible pain, fighting back memories of Cedric's death and what does Fudge do? He accuses him of having hallucinations and not being trustworthy because he's parseltongue.

Can you imagine the rage Harry must have felt? I've never undergone moments when my word hasn't been believed. I've never been looked straight in the eye by someone and know they don't believe a word I'm saying. When Christ was placed on trial, when people proclaimed his death sentence, he underwent the same experience as Harry, all because people refused to believe the truth.

Why would lies be more prone to believe than truth? Why would people, especially people in authority, prefer to believe lies instead of deal with the truth and solve the problem? We've been doing this for centuries. When Hitler rose to power, the West turned a blind eye to him, refusing to believe him capable of the whispered atrocities. Even the neighbors of the Jews dragged from their homes ignored the niggling fear in their minds and believed instead they were merely being deported. By not finding out the truth, these people, these so-called innocents, were just as guilty as the murderers. So were we, so was England, so was anyone and everyone who knew, deep down, that Hitler was a monster and yet chose to do nothing.

Fudge is one of these bureaucrats I despise so much. He chose to live in his perfect little world, uninterrupted by fear and truth. But does his preferred ignorance actually stop the danger from evolving? Of course not! And we have Harry, poor, desperate, terrified Harry who tries so hard to make people understand when they're just not capable of understanding. I admire Dumbledore. Far more than I thought possible. He never doubts Harry's word, never doubts what Harry saw and experienced. He's on the opposite end of the spectrum from Cornelius Fudge.

Just because we fear something doesn't mean we should not accept its existence. Fear needs to be faced, it needs to be acknowledged and understood, and it needs to be fought. We only destroy ourselves by pretending evil doesn't exist. We make the end result far worse by not fighting back. We live in a world of evil. It may not seem as blatantly obvious as Voldemort, but it exists just the same. And we won't be believed when we speak out against evil, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't speak out anyway. A few seeds of truth will fall on fertile ground. When we let fear keep us silent, that is when we are truly lost. Harry will never reach that point in his life, and I pray that neither will I.

Sherlock Holmes & the Time Machine

2010-10-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

"Watson, come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same."
- Sherlock Holmes, no matter the era or actor

(icon by glaringcandle on Livejournal)

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Sherlock Holmes. A friend introduced me to him about 8 years ago and my life hasn't been the same since. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it's difficult loving a character that most people think was either gay (shame on them!) or (as in recent films) completely infatuated with Irene Adler. *tsk, tsk* Not that I dislike Robert Downey Jr. as Holmes (in fact I find him highly amusing and entertaining), but a part of my little heart winces every time I imagine him and Irene together. Some things should never have come to pass.

So naturally when I heard that a new series was being made, one in which Sherlock Holmes would be thrust into the heart of modern London, I doomed it to failure. Nothing and no one could possibly make such a ludicrous idea into a success, I ranted! Well, it seems I was wrong. I loved the new Sherlock Holmes movie, you know. And that surprised me. I had no idea there would be two surprises in the same year and that I would come to love the new Masterpiece Mystery! series entitled Sherlock as much as that crazy new movie! Or, dare I say it, even more. Because as much as Robert Downey Jr. entertains me, he's not quite the right appearance for Holmes, in my own mind. Not that I could see Benedict Cumberpatch (yes, it's all right to snicker) boxing 5 rounds with some of the bruisers RDJ took on, but I can definitely picture him fencing the pants off a villain at some point (not literally). Benedict is Holmes. He was Holmes for me within 1/2 an hour and that, my friends, takes some doing. Especially since I never fully accepted RDJ as Holmes, even though I love the film.

You might be asking, how does Holmes fit into modern society? Very well, thank you. He's socially awkward, the same as Victorian Holmes, or in Sherlock's words, "I'm a high-functioning sociopath." Can you argue with that type of logic? Nope. Holmes is the same no matter what era he's zapped into. The writing, I confess, can be good or bad, defining whether the Holmes will be a success or not. But with this brilliant new series, I see Holmes, just as I've always seen him. Rude and obnoxious and undeniably brilliant, with a hint of attraction thrown in just to gain a lady's interest (such as myself). Most women are drawn to Holmes because he has no interest and it makes us curious. I just know that Benedict will make Sherlock a success.

Does this mean I'll stop loving Jeremy Brett? In what universe! I love many different versions of Holmes, including Frank Langella's stage production where, saints preserve us, he too fell in love with Irene Adler. What is the power that mysterious woman holds over Holmes? But anyway, all that aside, I'm glad I've given Sherlock the chance to impress me. That first episode was a humdinger and waiting an entire week for the next installment will be torturous. But wait I will because I am going to show PBS that one more household can love a modern Holmes. Not that my parents are complaining: Mom loves him and Dad chortled at Holmes' smart witticisms. It's awesome knowing I won't be watching alone!

Why Twilight?

2010-09-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

Can anyone tell me what makes Twilight so darn popular? Because I'm rather clueless. The characters feel one-dimensional and riddled with teenage angst to me. But there has to be something there that draws people. Or people wouldn't read the books or watch the movies.

What is it about Edward that has millions of women salivating? Why? He's permanently 17. He's got more emotional issues than Angel. Well, all right, maybe he doesn't have that many issues. But still, Edward runs a close second. I guess I just see him as the product of a writer whose original intent was something along the lines of fanfiction. Edward really isn't a vampire. He doesn't have vamp teeth, staking him only splinters the wood, and he sparkles instead of burns in the sun. How do any of these things make him a vamp?

I've read Twilight.

And the first time I read it, I found it entertaining. About a year later I wanted to read New Moon so decided to refresh my memory by reading Twilight again. Huge mistake on my part. I don't know if my perception of vampires changed or simply my perception of heroes altered in that year, but what a difference. I've heard all of the arguments for Twilight and I've heard all the arguments against it. I can't make decisions for other people about this series. But I can speak my mind.

Edward is a devoted lover who refuses to sleep with Bella before their marriage. Every girl wants a guy like that; someone who'll respect her. But doesn't Edward's watching Bella sleep concern anyone? Doesn't his inability to stay away from her disturb you? Because it sure disturbs me. I mean, I remember Angel and Buffy's passionate love affair. Those two were completely gaga for each other. But Angel left. And he stayed gone. Because he knew that he wasn't right for Buffy and that it just wouldn't work. Turning her wasn't an option and there was no other way for him to be with her. Is it really just the simple fact that Edward feels like the perfect boyfriend and so many women don't have that perfect boyfriend? Because if that's the only reason why Edward is such a hit with women twice his age then there really needs to be some reevaluating going on in their lives. Seriously, ladies. Men aren't perfect. My gosh, just look around you. But expecting them to be Edward is expecting the sun to rise at night and the moon in the morning. It's not gonna happen.

I think this is what disturbs me the most about Twilight. This particular series of books has made women unhappy with their lives. I've read rants from girls who literally fell into a panic attack when a friend hated the series. There are incredible lists of married women who now look with dissatisfaction at their spouse. Twilight consumes their very existence! Everything is wrapped up in those books. I've even heard women talk about being afraid to read anything else because they don't want to like any other series as much as or even more than Twilight. That thought terrifies me! If I stayed locked in one fandom for the rest of my life, I would be ready for the sanitarium in a matter of years.

This doesn't even begin to cover Bella's unhealthy self-esteem issues. Does Edward help with her self-esteem? No. What about college, a career, making something of her life, accomplishing something important? Bella doesn't want any of that. When Edward left her in New Moon, which was the right decision if he could have stuck with it, Bella was a mess. She did nothing but sit and mope and brood for months. Then when she finally started snapping out of it, it was only to commit dangerous acts that gave her a chance to catch a quick glimpse of Edward through a vision. Does that strike anyone as healthy behavior? Relationships end, sometimes for the better. But we can't just give in to the pain and agony of loss by not living our lives. I pray to God I never make the same decision as Bella. I never want to stop finding and loving new experiences. I never want to just let my soul die because one relationship didn't work out.

How is it that two characters, Edward and Mick St. John, can be so similar and yet so completely different? Edward expresses distinct stalker-like qualities. He can't stay away from Bella, his every waking thought is consumed by Bella. Mick saved Beth's life when she was a child. He was always near to make sure she was safe, but he never, not once interfered with her life. It was accidental that Beth met him at all. His intention was never to fall in love with her. His intention was only to make sure she was protected. Mick let Beth make all the moves in their relationship. He never pushed for anything, never anticipated anything. He just waited, grateful for the chance to be a part of her life.

And Beth? She's a successful young woman! She pulls down a great salary, has a dream job, pays her own bills. She's made something of herself and she's confident in her success. Mick doesn't take her away from any of her accomplishments. He doesn't make her feel pathetic and lacking in self-esteem. He makes her feel safe, but not coddled, loved, but not smothered. Mick would rather cut off his right arm than make Beth feel as if she needed to change her goals to suit him. I only wish that Edward was the same. Bella's only goal in life, her single ultimate purpose, is to marry Edward. There needs to be more. So very much more.

I admit it, Twilight worries me. I've seen the effect it has on women of all ages. I don't want to read a book series that makes me unhappy with my life. Who of a sane mind would? For people who can read the books and enjoy them but have other interests, I say bravo! It's the women who've made Twilight their religion and Edward their God that have me running for the hills. If I'm gonna pick a vampire to love, Mick tops that list every time.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have an episode of Moonlight to watch.

Gidget vs. Jenny

2010-08-28T14:42:00.001-07:00

"Surfing is out of this world. You can't imagine the thrill of the shooting the curl. It positively surpasses every living emotion I've ever had."

- Gidget, 1959

When Gidget fell in love with Moondoggie, it was hook, line, and sinker. She would have done anything to win her surferboy and she very nearly did anything. When Gidget and Kahuna cloistered themselves away in that beach shack, where almost anything could happen, I was heartsick. Until Kahuna snapped to his senses and sent Gidget away just as Moondoggie flew up the pathway and pounded on the door to break up the party. Gidget had a hero, two heroes, to fly to her rescue. And she was just sweet sixteen. These two men thought more of Gidget's virginity than she did herself. If Kahuna had been any less of a gentleman, and he was about as low on that pole as you could get, Gidget would have lost herself that night. Moondoggie could have taken advantage of her as well, too many times to count. But he just couldn't do it. Moondoggie would never have been able to face his reflection or his friends again, knowing he had stolen Gidget's innocence.

Which leads me to "An Education." Another 16-year-old girl falls for an older man. Only this time, he's older than Moondoggie by at least 5 years. And this time, on her 17th birthday, the girl gives herself to this man in a hotel suite in Paris. Jenny is a sweet girl. Her parents are certainly very strict, but only because they wanted her to receive a decent education. That is until David came along. Because David was perfect. David was educated. David could support their daughter. It was better for Jenny to marry David because than money wouldn't have to be wasted on the furtherance of her education. And then it turns out that the perfect David was in fact a lying adulterous husband who used an underage girl for kicks. He claims to love her. He'll divorce his wife for her. But Jenny's blinders are completely and totally gone now. There is no longer room for David. But there is, however, room for her education.

You know, a lot of people find Gidget to be a very silly little movie. And maybe it is. Just maybe. But in the scheme of things, you have two men who refuse to take advantage of an innocent teenage girl who doesn't know how the world works. You have Moondoggie who wants to further his education so he can become the man he knows Gidget deserves. And you have Gidget, as smart as Jenny, only making much wiser decisions simply because she took the time to speak with her mother about her feelings and confusion. There's a sampler on Gidget's wall that states, "To be a real woman is to bring out the best in a man." That's the kicker! Right there!

Gidget learned about limitations. About saying no. All Jenny learned was that sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be, especially when you find out you've had sex with a married man. In the end Gidget emerges with her true love, Moondoggie. Five years from that movie, I just know they got married, probably immediately following Gidget's graduation from college and they made a home for themselves, occasionally visiting the beach with fond memories. They chose wisely.

Why watch a movie like An Education when it's only going to end in the two parties splitting because one was a liar? I guess I'll never understand modern Hollywood. An Education dished out what Gidget had already served up, 50 years ago and topped with such love. This newer Gidget pales in comparison.

Graduation!

2010-08-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

"I've been cut loose plenty of times y'know? I mean the truth's inconvenient. But there's one person who caught me on the way down." -Cal
"That's a true friend."-Reynolds
"Yeah she is."- Cal

- from "Lie to Me"

I've done it! It's been 6 incredibly long and difficult semesters, but I am now finished with my AA degree. It's kind of shocking really. I mean, what do I do now? Look for a job, that's #1 on my list. I love my coworkers and my supervisor, I do. But, Lynn is going to retire sometime before October and Diane may be gone by the end of this month. It's time. It's time to find a full-time job with health benefits so I don't worry myself or my family any longer. Maybe I'll be fortunate and when the High Prairie branch hires all its folks (should be within a week) some of EA's circulation will go to High Prairie. All I need is a chance. I've interviewed for circulation twice and been declined both times. This time, though, this time I think I could make it. And with a full-time job I could move out.

Not that moving out should be the basis of finding a job. I take that back, maybe it should be. I'm 26 now and have always lived with my parents. They've been darlings by letting me stay this long, all the way through my first college degree. But I can't stay with them forever. I have my own life to live, and I'd like to let them get back to having their own lives to live. Caitlin will come with me, of course, when I do leave. She's going to be hunting for a job just like me and we're going to need prayers by the dozens in this economy. If we could both find jobs by December than our own place will be next on the list. We may even be able to take the spring semester off since we'll both have health insurance.

The idea of freedom is such an invigorating one. No adult should live with their parents forever. We need our own place with our own set of rules. I'm sure Caitlin would love to have a "Harry Potter" poster hanging somewhere. She'd like to decorate a living room or kitchen in her own style. That'll be interesting since it will need to mesh with my style. Maybe she can do the kitchen in roosters and I'll have the living room. Listen to me, making all these plans when I'm well aware nothing is set in stone.

"Heavenly Father, You've brought me this far. The going has been rough at times. But here I am, with that first step on the ladder completed. Thank you, Father, for the strength you've given me, finding that courage I needed to complete my degree. Help me not to fear the future, but embrace it. So long as You walk by my side I know I can weather the storms. In your son's precious name, amen."

Alias Smith and Jones

2010-04-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

~ icon by me, from "Alias Smith and Jones"

"Heyes, there's only one thing been keepin' you alive all this time."
"And what's that?"
"Me."

Hannibal Heyes & Kid Curry ~ Alias Smith and Jones

Certain things make me nostalgic. The scent of an old sachet makes me remember my grandmother. A picture when I was 5 makes me remember a fishing trip. Even going through old magazines to throw away reminds me of old friendships, broken but still important. "Macgyver" was my television show when I was a child. He was my hero and remains a special influence even today, nearly 20 years later.

For my mother, at the age of 16, her favorite show was "Alias Smith and Jones." It's one of the programs where the women's hair was definitely 1970s, their dresses all had zippers, and little plastic windows could be spotted in the telegram envelopes. But that show meant something special to her. And even now it brings back nostalgia full force.

She remembers those first glorious two seasons when she and her best friend giggled and laughed and adored their western heroes.

She also remembers December 31st, 1971 when Pete Duel (Hannibal Heyes) shot himself.

The question running through everyone's mind was: WHY!? He had so much going for him. A hit television show, fame, fortune. Something, some evil voice slithered its way into his head and convinced him to end it all. Why did he listen to that voice? What desperate murmurings did he hear that last night? Did it happen all of a sudden, or had he been contemplating suicide for months? Years?

You know, there is never a good enough reason to commit suicide. Sometimes death happens purely by accident. But there are those who pull the trigger or jump off a building or even step off a chair with a noose around their neck. What is it like to hit bottom and not be able to see the light anymore?

We'll never know the answer.

Pete Duel is gone.

But he'll never be forgotten. Every time I look into Heyes' twinkling brown eyes and watch that dimple crinkle at the corner of his smile, I feel like I knew him. Like I could look into his soul and save him. His was a soul worth saving, just like every man's soul is worth saving. The Lord wishes that none should perish. His perfect Son died to pay our penalty, so that our souls could be saved. Those satanic whisperings are lies.

I love watching my mother watch "Alias Smith and Jones." I can see a tinge of sorrow whenever she looks at Hannibal Heyes, but I can also see her recapture the delight she felt as a teenager, crushing on a teen idol. This is something she and I can finally share, together. I feel the loss of Pete Duel as poignantly today as she did 39 years ago. And I delight just as strongly now as she does in the character of Hannibal Heyes. What an odd combination, loving a character while mourning the actor. But the most important thing we can do is remember those who listened to evil whisperings. Because their stories deserve to be told.

Missing Her

2010-03-18T16:26:00.001-07:00

Sometimes weariness runs bone deep and other times it's just emotion deep.

Today I think it's the latter.

For days at a time, I'm doing great, no worries or concerns, no emotional upheaval. Then I remember that my grandmother just died and the world kerplunks out of orbit and I feel like bursting into uncontrollable sobs. My mind is just so tired and I'm worried that if I stop for a moment I may just collapse. Which may explain the sudden compulsion to watch so much television so I don't ever have time alone with my thoughts (like now). My tv shows won't heal the wound that's forming in my heart. They're not really going to help much other than take my focus away for a little while. But should that focus be taken away from the grieving?

Shouldn't I allow myself to grieve? To feel the loss and the pain? To fully experience the knowledge that now none of my grandparents will ever see me walk down the aisle? They're gone and there's nothing I can do to change it. I loved my grandmother, deeply. And knowing that she had forgotten that her daughter had children, that she'd even gotten married, it hurts. Knowing she didn't remember me at the end hurts so badly. It's one of the worst sensations I've ever experienced. But at least I'm acknowledging the loss now. I can't just turn my head away, close off my mind from the pain. I need to let it come. And if I'm all right for days at a time, that's good, but when the sorrow strikes, I need to feel it. Like now.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the loving grandmother you gave me for 26 years of my life. Thank you for her spunk and her courage. Her smile was so beautiful. She always wore skirts. And she first taught me how to work with plastic canvas. She was a wonderful woman, a woman of faith, a woman who loved her husband of 30+ years and who loved You. Please, help my family heal. I never thought it would be this hard. In Christ's name. Amen.

The Salvation of Thomas Becket

2010-02-15T19:47:00.000-08:00

~ Icon by me, a quote from the film "Becket."

"Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings, but mercy is above the sceptered sway. It is enthroned in the heart of kings and earthly power doth then show likest God's, when mercy seasons justice." ~ William Shakespeare

What defines the measure of a man? It is usually his actions over some long period of time that define him. Where Thomas Becket, confidant to Henry II, was concerned, he was nearly as corrupt as his king. When the king caroused, so did he. When the king required female companionship, so did he. And when the king required something of him, Thomas did it, unquestioningly. One would think this man to be irredeemable. Except that no one is irredeemable. It may take years to find God, or it may take only a single moment to make a choice. In the case of Thomas Becket, it only took a moment.

Thomas Becket loved his king, as much as he was capable of loving anyone. He and Henry were so close that it irked Henry's wife and mother to no end. When Henry needed consoling, he went to Thomas. When he needed friendship, he went to Thomas. And when he needed someone to manipulate, he went to Thomas. All because Thomas understood that he could do nothing to change the king. Ironically, it was Henry's manipulative nature which finally cured Thomas of his placatory behavior. In one fell swoop, the Archbishop of Canterbury died. Henry conceived a magnificent plan to have a new Archbishop placed, one who would support him. And who better than his oldest and dearest companion, Thomas Becket? It was the biggest mistake of Henry's life and the best thing that could have happened to Thomas.

Becket was suddenly thrust into a religious life. He had always experienced a great respect for God. But it wasn't until Thomas Becket received the robes of Archbishop that he began to seriously consider the state of his immortal soul. All that time he spent with Henry, he was trying to earn his king's respect and love. And Henry did love him. But it was a selfish and manipulative love that did Thomas Becket no good. Suddenly, Thomas realized that trying to honor Henry wasn't working. He couldn't reconcile himself to the two warring factions within his own heart. It was a fruitless labor and one that only brought a deep dissatisfaction. One day, as he knelt before the altar, Thomas Becket found God. And everything changed. In one fell swoop, Henry II lost not only his confidant but his closest friend and ally. Richard Burton's Becket said it best, "He has not yet forgiven me for choosing God over him." Just as Becket found peace, both with himself and with God, Henry II watched his world be torn apart.

Love. How does love appear when it refers to men loving men without sexuality playing a role? Some make the claim that Henry II was in love with Thomas Becket. I utterly deny that point. Women were for sex and Henry II loved his women. Men were for love and respect. Thomas was the best, honest, and most trustworthy man Henry ever knew and he gave him his love utterly and completely. It had nothing to do with sexuality, but of two people bonding as if they were brothers, or even closer than brothers. When Thomas realized his fulfillment was through God and not the king, it broke Henry's heart. All Henry ever desired was Thomas' good opinion and support. When that was stripped from him, he reacted as a man suddenly desolate. Women gave him pleasure, but Thomas stimulated his mind.

There is a moment in "Becket" that is extremely poignant. Henry is now conceiving ways to wreak vengeance upon his former friend. He speaks with his barons, the most trusted men in his realm outside of Thomas Becket. All of a sudden, Henry clutches his heart. He cries out in realization that despite the pain and anger and hatred, a part of him still loves Thomas Becket and grieves for the loss of their friendship. He falls upon the floor and utterly weeps as the immense loss washes over him. His weakness lasts only a moment. He then utters the quote that most people recognize, "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest!" And this serves up Thomas Becket's death sentence. The barons take Henry seriously and martyr Thomas Becket. Henry lifts his head from the table where he collapsed as his men leave to commit their crime and he murmurs, "Thomas."

There is no way to tell whether Thomas Becket's religious actions as Archbishop really stemmed from religious fervor or from ambition to steal Henry's power. But this film presented a man already torn in two directions by Henry and who finally decided that he needed God's approval more than man's. Regardless of reality, the Hollywood story of Thomas Becket moved me to tears. He was indeed martyred and made a saint by the same man who pronounced his death sentence. Thomas Becket is living proof that a man can commit horrible, unclean, and perverse acts and yet still emerge as a child of God in the end due to a contrite heart. No man is perfect, Thomas Becket least of all. But he gives us hope that if he can be saved, so too can any man. If people only focus on their imagined vision of homosexuality in "Becket" then they've missed the point. This film isn't about Peter O'Toole or Richard Burton and their remarkable talents. It's about a single man who learned that he no longer needed to please man but only God. And that's something worth seeing.

Cautionary Warning: This film does contain some sexual content and brief partial nudity of a woman. The story couldn't have been told accurately otherwise.

The Three Phantoms

2010-02-13T22:33:00.000-08:00

~ Icon by white_gull on Livejournal from "The Phantom of the Opera"

Nothing makes me feel more romantic than listening to the beautiful voices of three former Phantoms resounding throughout the Pikes Peak Center. *sigh* Tonight was the night. Mark Jacoby, Craig Shulmann, and Brad Little were hired to perform for hundreds of Phantom enthused fans. And perform they did! It wasn't just Phantom either. They performed numbers from "Kiss Me, Kate," "Les Miserables," "The Most Happy Fella," and a score of other songs that I had never heard before. The most haunting may have been Craig and Brad's duet of "Lily's Eyes" from "The Secret Garden." It nearly brought tears to my eyes.

But the best song of the evening, performed by all three, was "Music of the Night." If you think one Phantom singing it is good, than you can't imagine the ecstasy that three of them invoke. I think my heart literally stopped at that one crescendo he hits, or in this case they hit. The sound just reverberated, like nothing I've ever heard before. Wow, what an evening! I think I'm still on cloud nine.

Our parking situation was a tad funny too, from a certain point of view. I couldn't find a parking space and the show was going to start in five minutes. So I literally tossed Caitlin from the car to go get her seat (I was NOT going to let her miss the opening). Then I drove around a bit before finding a parking garage that made me slightly nervous, especially since it was a block and a half away from the theater. This is downtown Colorado Springs, at night, and I don't do downtown Colorado Springs at night. But I parked the car (parking was free for some reason), made sure it was locked and bolted for the theater. Five minutes later, I handed my ticket to the lady waiting inside the door, trying desperately not to gasp for breath since I'd sprinted almost the entire way. I only missed a smidgen of the selections from "The Sound of Music." Which was fine because the gentlemen were not singing at that point.

Like I said, the concert was beyond excellent. We met up with one of my coworkers who also happens to be a close friend and she and her husband offered to drive us back to the parking garage. I could tell by the look in Mal's eyes that he wasn't sure about letting us walk back into the garage since it was late and anything could happen. But Caitlin and I persevered and marched into the belly of the beast. There were a few lingering people that made me nervous, especially since the truck next to our vehicle had its doors open. So I unlocked the car with the beeper, crawled through from the passengers side door with Caitlin right behind me. A minute later and I was pulling out with the doors safely locked. There were a couple of suspicious looking characters waiting by a car down there too as we rounded a bend. It looked disturbingly like a possible drug buy, so I didn't slow down even at the corner. We tore out of that garage and were thrilled to see that Mal and Lynn had waited for us at the top, just to be sure we were safe. We rolled down the windows, thanked them and said goodnight, and then headed for home, safe and sound.

Not only did we have a marvelous experience at the theater, but we had an adventure in the parking garage as well. Next time, I'm remembering that there's a garage right next to the Pikes Peak Center. No more of this gang banger business for me, thanks very much.

Olympics 2010 Opening Ceremony and Voltaire

2010-02-12T23:01:00.000-08:00

~ Icon from "How to Steal a Million" by me.

Why am I awake at this ungodly hour (if an hour could be ungodly)? Because I just finished reading the silliest bit of fluff ever written. And by Voltaire, no less. Unless you want your head to spin round and round like a top, never pick up a copy of Voltaire's "Candide." It's not worth your time and effort. I have a happier view of life than him, which explains why his philosophers manage to annoy me. *bleh* Thank goodness the discussion ends tomorrow. A small relief and than I'll never think of "Candide" again.

On a happier note, I did get to watch bits of the Olympics opening ceremony. Canada did a first-rate job. I was very, very impressed. What a shame about the 4th section not lifting for the lighting of the torch, but nothing's perfect and I thought it was brilliant regardless. Now I can only hope that Bodie Miller behaves himself this year. And I can hardly wait to watch the escapades of the figure skaters. It won't be the same without Alexai Yagudin, but he was tops. You only get someone like him once in a century, if you're lucky.

Okay, I have work tomorrow (I'm sorry to say), so this is a remarkably short post. But I can't prop my eyelids open anymore and I still want to watch a favorite scene from "How to Steal a Million" before I sleep. 'Night!

Thoughts on Lawrence of Arabia

2010-02-12T10:17:00.000-08:00

~ Icon from "Lawrence of Arabia" by me.

As Lawrence sets out across the desert with Daoud and Faraj.
Auda abu Tayi: You will cross Sinai?
T.E. Lawrence: Moses did!
Auda abu Tayi: And you will take the children?
T.E. Lawrence: Moses did!

What do you do when you come to the end of your rope? You either allow yourself to fall or you start pulling yourself up one painful handhold at a time. In the world of T.E. Lawrence, he reached the end of his rope. And he simply wanted to fall. An arrogance proceeded Lawrence throughout his tour in Arabia. He believed he could do anything and emerge unscathed. At least, until he was captured by the Turks. Than he found he was just a man and like any other man could be harmed, even killed. Lawrence found himself dangling on the end of that rope.

It's not a pleasant thing to face mortality head-on. The young are especially gifted with thinking themselves immortal. I'll never die so I will ride motorcycles as fast as I can. I'll experiment with drugs, alcohol, and other vices because they can't hurt me. I'm young and infallible.

If only this were the truth.

But it's not the truth.

Lawrence was a remarkable man with many feats of bravery to his name along with many acts of foolishness. How often are we like T.E. Lawrence? We enter a situation, fully confident in ourselves and needing no outside help. Only to find that the outside help might just be the thing that saves us.

I never want to reach the end of my rope and actually consider falling. Lawrence was placed in a situation so heinous that he found no other way. The fall didn't kill him, not yet, but that act of mentally giving up certainly left its mark on him. There will never be a time black enough to make giving up an option. It can be so hard to pull yourself up, but once you've done those first few pulls toward freedom, there are always hand to help you the rest of the way. They may be human hands, but more likely, they are the hands of a Savior.

Watching "Lawrence of Arabia" was a remarkable event for me. It opened my eyes, not only to an amazing cinematographic achievement, but to the weaknesses found in everyone. Lawrence's adventures might have been singular, but his struggles, his failings, and his choices were not. In a way, I am T.E. Lawrence. It is for me to decide whether to give up living because of bad circumstances, or to fight my way through to the end. It may seem foolish, but I wish I had been there to help the real Lawrence fight through his struggles and emerge the victor. I wish I'd been there, to comfort, and listen, and understand. Everyone needs a comforter. Mine is found in both close friends and in my Savior. Lawrence really had no one. And that's the shame of it.

The Magic of Inkheart

2009-06-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

Beware of spoilers!

I read books to forget. It's probably the most common reason for picking up a tome and losing oneself in a different world for hours on end. I'd much rather be breathing fire with Dustfinger than dealing with real problems. When I walk the paths of the Inkworld in the company of the Bluejay and his companions, I become one of them. Despite adversity book characters face, they always manage to overcome it. Even if they can't see that light shining at the end of the tunnel, the reader knows that good will triumph over evil. It might not be in the way we expect, but evil, 9 times out of 10, loses. Isn't that what we expect when reading a book?

And that is also what makes books so different than life. Here is where Cornelia Funke differs from most authors. In some ways, I think she realizes that a happy ending isn't necessarily the wisest route. There can be goodness that occurs out of tragedy, but it doesn't make the tragedy any less poignant for the reader. When Dustfinger breathes his last at the conclusion of "Inkspell" there is the immediate loss felt by the reader. I also experienced a hope that it wasn't really his end and that Cornelia would find a way to draw him back from a darkness he did not deserve.

The entire premise of Inkheart is redemption. Anyone who has read the books knows that Dustfinger began his journey in a pathetic strain, being almost cowardly in his actions and assistance of Capricorn. He was afraid and yielded to peer pressure even when he knew it was wrong. How often do I do the same thing? I chuckle uneasily with groups of people, indulging their crude humor or political agenda, when inside I know I'm only yielding to peer pressure and doing absolutely no good. In a way, I am Dustfinger. Since I can see these flaws in myself, than it means I also potentially see Dustfinger's future strengths in myself. Wow, what a concept!

Dustfinger is a pathetic coward for at least 1000 pages of his story. Until he is suddenly reborn into a new creation. Cornelia hasn't made any claims toward Christianity that I am aware of, but the overtone is there just the same. Fire purified him, breathing new life into his nostrils, and he became new. No longer was Dustfinger afraid of evil, he had found a new power in something greater than himself. He was changed, washed clean. I'm awed even as I remember how beautiful Inkdeath's symbolism is, how much it touched me. Cornelia opened a whole new realm of possibility, taking a page out of C.S. Lewis' writing style, even if she was unaware of his influence upon her story.

Different books speak to different people. I found salvation and redemption in the story of Inkheart. The other characters are important, from Mo to Elinor, but this is really Dustfinger's story. It is through him that we see man's capacity to do a complete about-face from cowardice and sin. And it is through him that I am reminded of the beauty I experience in my own salvation and how, through the shed blood of Jesus, I should not be afraid. Someday, like Dustfinger, I hope to achieve that level of peace and security in my walk with the Lord. When it comes to faith, I seek The Bible and when it comes to imagination, I seek Inkheart!